really down!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
really down!
11
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 5:10pm
hey ya all - I'm having a rather hard day with it being a holiday weekend and knowing MM is with his family and I can't see him (I've even tried calling him - that's how bad I'm doing! :( )

Been thinking that I am not cut out for this A stuff! :( Thoughts of NEVER getting to experience a life with him and knowing that I am an "extra" in his life hurt beyond words! And yet I fear I don't have the strength to walk away and so I resign to just hurt! :(

UGH - this weekend is really taking a toll on me! HOpe you all are doing better than me!

hugs,

K

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 5:23pm
Hi Poster,

I'm having a tough time too. I know he's with his family and I'm home alone...which is absolutely no fun! I made plans for my whole weekend to make sure I didn't find myself in this situation, but I've canceled because I don't want to do anything else but be with him! SAD huh? I think it's because I'm axcious about talking to him about our A to figure out where it's going and what he wants, so I can't stop thinking about it.

I think you and I should both get outside and go for a walk to get them out of our minds. We owe it to ourselves!

Hang in there and keep your chin up. Find something you can do to keep your mind off of him.

Me...I'm going shopping!!

~Sher

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 6:50pm
Good advice, Sher. Poster, I feel your anguish. Weekends are hard for me, because outside of work, we're in NC mode because of his g/f...she doesn't like him to spend time on the computer and not with her. And they're having some Labor Day bash tomorrow, so I won't talk or email him tomorrow like I would any other Monday. I've come to look forward to 830 Monday morning when he emails me at work after waking up!! Guess I'll have to make it until Tuesday. During the week we only see each other at work on Wednesday, M&Tu are his days off, Th&F are mine, so we email during two time periods during the day and have a set time of day to talk on the phone.

Sher's advice is right on target...you need to fill your time with something YOU like and YOU want to do and YOU want to accomplish. I try to do that because I figure I'll be a much more satisfying companion if I have interests outside of our relationship. That's what I keep telling myself the umpteen millionth time I've checked email on the weekend in the outside chance he got online!!! lol Actually, I'm doing much better. I leave one, maybe two, emails for him to find in his inbox on Monday morning and that's all. Way down from the half dozen or more I used to leave!!!!!

Good luck getting through this weekend!!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 7:06pm
K, I am in the same boat! NC on weekends and holidays. MM also took off work on Friday so I had NC since Thursday. I did get a work-related email yesterday. I could tell that he was thinking about me since it wasn't really an urgent matter, just an FYI about something and then telling me that we would talk soon. We had such an incredible time together earlier in the week. Sometimes that makes it even harder. I miss him so much. Like the rest of the gang said, just stay busy and the time will pass.

Hugs

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 7:22pm
Dear K,

I wish I had something to tell you to make you feel

better. You are getting good advice though. Go do

something for yourself this weekend, the more

radical the better!

I would suggest that you not do a few things (these

always help me). Don't listen to "your" songs, or any

love songs for that matter. Don't stay home, try not

to be alone. Don't go over photos of your other. Keep

the drinking light.

Go to a movie if you must, something to engage and

distract your mind. Find a play to go to, or a concert.

Visit someplace you have wanted to go, or just pick out

a spot and go there. The challenge of finding your way

in a new place will keep your thoughts less moody.

Find a party to crash!

Good luck, all things eventually pass.

hugs,

G

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 8:28pm
Hi...

After reading all the posts before mine.. I have a question, when you and your MM have NC on weekends does that mean NO messages, NO surprise phone calls? my MM and I have a pager (it's just voice mail, no real pager) where we leave each other messages, we both have the code, so we know when we have a message or when we've picked up our messages, that way even if MM can't leave me a message I know he's thinking of me cuz he's picked up his messages. my MM goes out of town with his family a lot!!!! They just bought an RV so now they'll go out of town more often, but I'm dealing with it better because I know if I waste the time and energy on wondering what he's doing, thats all i'm doing, wasting time, cuz as soon as I see him, I realize I shouldn't of worried and he loves me and all that. MM tells me that I get the best of him, and I think I do.

Sometimes I'll even call my MM on his cell (while he's with his W) and I'll ask for Brad Pitt, and he'll say wrong number.. and I'll say I love you bye. He does the same to me, but he asks for Britney Spears... LOL my H and his W can't say nothin about a wrong #!

I just don't understand why you and your MM have NC at all? If that's not the way you want it, sometimes I understand if my MM can't get to a phone, but for the most part we are always in touch.

=)

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 9:01pm
Lexy, what do you mean by you have a pager...just voice mail, no real pager? << I guess I don't understand that, me and MM can leave messages on one another's cell, but that's not the same thing...I'm assuming. I'm wondering because we too usually don't have contact on the weekends he's off, which is every other one. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Sun, 08-31-2003 - 9:15pm
Before I got caught with the pager, my H found it, I had the pager... but I got rid of it, and now we still have the voice mail set up that was for the pager. We leave each other messages there. Of course there are days we can't talk, but he leaves me messages there, and I leave him some too. All DAy, that's how we conversate when he's not at work.

It's nice because even if he can't leave me a message, I'll know he's thinking of me cuz he's got my messages... ya know???

=)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 1:21am
Hey Poster,

Sorry you are down in the dip right now. When I'm down, I usually wonder if I should end it, too. Funny thing is, when I'm feeling better emotionally, it's not an option.

I hope you have something planned for Monday. If not, get busy!

Sending you some hugs,

Meow

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 9:33am
When I am really down, I try to keep myself busy, busy, busy!!! Go to the gym, take a walk,it's better if there are other people around so you keep your mind off things. Even better still if the other people around don't know anything about your situation so you can't talk about it. No love songs either. They can do me in.

Good luck and happy thoughts,

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Mon, 09-01-2003 - 5:16pm
Maybe I didn't explain this well. We are in contact, one way or another, every day. We see each other on W, Sa, and Su. Talk on the phone and email every day, all week, M-F. Lately, we've seen each other briefly on Th and F, because I'm having some staffing problems in my district and I've had to come in on my days off the last couple of weeks, but that's unusual.

I was refering to having NC outside of work hours on Sa and Sun. On Wednesdays, even after work, we talk on the phone and email. I miss our email and phone calls, because that's where a lot of our really personal, bonding discussions come into play. At work, we're usually either pretty business like or pretty smutty (depending on if the guy in the next office is in or not, lol) talking. Our alone time occurs during and/or after work and there just isn't always enough time to fool around AND talk, so guess which one we DON'T do, lol!!! So I like our emails and phone calls for the chance to get to know each other better.

But, to try to answer your question more directly, his g/f wants to spend every possible minute with him on the weekends, because they work opposite shifts (he works overnight hours, she works traditional 9-5) and so don't see each other much except afternoons on Sa and Sun and then again on Mon nights. Otherwise, one or the other of them is working or sleeping. So, for him to spend an hour on the computer with me really cuts into their time. I can respect that. It can be hard, but I respect that and won't get in the way of that.

Hope that answers your question.

Lucky

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