This really makes me angry......
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This really makes me angry......
| Wed, 08-20-2003 - 10:37am |
MM, and W, have been discussing the details of their pending D. During their conversation over the weekend, MM's W, brought up that she had seen my cell phone number on the caller ID a couple of times. When MM, went back home from their last seperation, he promised her that he would not see me anymore. Which he never kept his promise. She has been seeing my number on their caller ID (because he forgot-so he says to erase the caller ID). I have never called their home, without MM, saying it was safe for me to call. Instead of him taking the heat, and just saying that he had asked me to call. He plays dumb, like he didn't know why I had been calling their house. Insinuation that I was making prank calls, and that I was some pchyo, woman, chasing him.
That really, really makes me angry. If he is indeed leaving and filing for a D, why is he still lying to cover his tracks? Tell the truth. Why make me out to be some crazy woman. I'm trying really hard not to interfere, but I will tell his W the truth. And, I will have proof to back up everything I say.
Having an EMA is bad enough for my character, I don't want to appear insane.

Taken at face value, I would guess that your MM is sloppy and a coward. If he did really just forget to erase your #, then the easy, cowardly thing to do is say it's not his fault and you are the psycho. He is not taking responsibility for his actions. I don't know if he is doing this just to protect himself... if she knows for sure he's an adulterer, she can really take him to the cleaners in the D, right? Or if your MM has a pattern of things never really being his fault. I would also question whether he is just sloppy and forgetful, or if somehow he left the #s on there and was hoping to get caught... but why, i can not rationalize... sometimes in emotional turmoil, we do stupid things to get a result we only think we want.
just some random thoughts. whatever the case, I would be upset as you are. However, I would try to figure out some of the motivation behind his actions, and see if that's really the person I want to spend my time with...
Take care and good luck.
lily
Well if a divorce hasn't been filed then it isn't pending. While you are obviously upset, the fact that he indicated that you might have been calling does not make you "look" insane. It is as easy to speed dial the wrong number if you haven't erased it from memory as it is to forget to erase calls from caller ID. :-) It could simply be that he gave her an answer that would not open a can of worms that would defeat the purpose of their discussion - an amicable divorce.
IF you really see what he did as a stain on your character, then just tell him that you don't appreciate being used as an easy way out if he is in a jam again, and next time he will probably come up with a different excuse if he finds himself in a similar situation.
Let me ask you this... Would you rather he admitted that he lied to her and told you to call and then all reasonable discussion of divorce flew out of the window? While he may seem more like a "champion" in your eyes with that scenario, if your desire is that he gets divorced, how does that help the big picture? He didn't play dumb like "he" didn't know, he played dumb so "she" wouldn't know. There is a difference. IF he intends to file for divorce, I'd just let him handle those details because you really don't need to be properly represented in their divorce...it is best that you aren't a part of it at all IMHO. So I would NOT start an ordeal over proving "why" those calls are there.
Rose
I know that you are upset that he used you as his excuse and I believe that "he" should be told that. But you already believe that his W knows about his relationship with you. She also knows that "he" wants a divorce. Is he the only one who wants this relationship? Just like you know that he isn't being forced to be with you, I am assuming that you aren't either. But after you let him know your feelings, I do wonder what purpose will it serve to make an issue of the calls with his W. While you can tell him not to make "you" a part of his lies, you can't "demand" that he responds to his W according to your wishes. If their relationship is ending, all I am saying is just let it end. After all is said and done, how important will the issue of "who called and why" be? Do you have something to prove to her? It doesn't matter what he says, her impression/opinion of you will be there regardless of how the facts are presented by him or you. Your trying to "make" her see something a certain way will only get you involved in an unpleasant way IMHO without any real "results". All I am saying is that you "can" address MM's behavior with him... :-)
Rose
I wouldnt call his house anymore. Even if he says it is "safe".
let him call you. That way you are not part of the problem.
Let them fight about something else and leave you out of it.
Good Luck
Aquagirl