Really need help/advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Really need help/advice
15
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 11:05pm

Brief background( again!) I am MW 3 mos. into A with MM We met VERY briefly about a year or so ago and re-acquainted 3 mos ago and he told me he had a crush on me for over a year since he first met me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 8:47am
I have been in an affair for 3 years and though I can remember it started out hot and heavy it certainly has mellowed a bit and it was like
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 8:57am

if he wants to contact you ,he will. If he isnt that into you, he wont.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 9:40am
Agree with the posters above in that if he wants to contact, he will. Sounds like he does contact but it's erratic and too much time in between for you...what struck me about that: Maybe he's the type who just likes the chase, and how he's conducting things is enjoyable to him. Obviously, it's not enjoyable to you. IMO, these types of R's are stressful enough...if there's no enjoyment...time to rethink your involvement. Good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 9:52am

I can absolutely see where anyone would get the impression that he isn't into me. But i am not so sure I can come to that conclusion just yet based on the way he did pursue me so much in the beginning, he also did tell me a few mos. ago that he won't be able to see me as much during the summer because of the children's schedules,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 10:49am

mm here.. in a 2 yr A..


I agree with the other posters.. but it may not be as simple as "he's not that into you"..


I would, though, suggest that you move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Sat, 08-07-2010 - 12:21pm

I really appreciate both your perspective as a man and your approach in your repsonse to me, for that thank you.


I understand what you're saying; it doesn't really matter why he is where he is at with this and with me, either way he isn't meeting my A needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 6:35pm

I see where you are coming from new.. there is a fine line between sharing a R and being needy.. when both people enjoy sharing, it is quite fun.. when one is at a different place than the other, it looks like neediness.. and i think that's the last thing you would want him to look at you as..

one option is to do nothing at all.. really.. just let it go.. he gets to you when he does.. he explains things when he does.. you see him/communicate with him when he initiates it.. let him carry the load a bit.. you may not end the R, but put yourself at a place where you are not invested as much anymore.. and what do you do with your free time.. well, whatever you'd like to do!.. it's your time, not his..

i think, whatever you end up doing, letting him take the lead in this, and making a focused effort to minimize your efforts, without telling him about anything, just letting events etc taking its course, will let you see where things really stand.. at least in the long run..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 7:32pm

new2a1 ,I dont think you should take it as a rejection as there could be many other factors why he isn't able to meet your needs in A as much as you want .
I think for the time being you should just be neutral & let him be the one to contact you if he wants to continue the A .

best of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:32pm

Thank you so much, I appreciate your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:38pm

Yes, new.. you understand exactly what i said.. easier said than done, i know, but you'll be at a better place for trying..


very interesting story about your birth sister.. brings meaning to the phrase "everything happens for a reason"..


good luck and do let us know how things are going..


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