Really need help/advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Really need help/advice
15
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 11:05pm

Brief background( again!) I am MW 3 mos. into A with MM We met VERY briefly about a year or so ago and re-acquainted 3 mos ago and he told me he had a crush on me for over a year since he first met me.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 2:38pm
I really think you're reading way too much into everything, and also putting way too much importance on it. I understand that you have abandonment issues, etc. I hate to tell you this, but if you're still struggling with all of those feelings at the age of 40-something, then having an affair at all is probably not the best life choice you could be making. Because you WILL feel abandoned, rejected and set to the side time and time and time again. It's the nature of this beast. Perhaps your better life choice is to end the marriage you claim to be so unhappy in and find yourself a better, happier and more fulfilling life. Affairs are stupid and they suck. I don't judge, because I've done it myself. But they still suck. And using them to find happiness (like I did..similar to your situation) is fairly fruitless and the reality doesn't match the fantasy. And you're not taking into account that for him, maybe this affair is nothing more than an extra-curricular activity, like a hobby albeit a fairly twisted one, but for you, it's a source of self-esteem feeding. And sex, which, let's face it, falls under that category, too. This man, no man can eradicate your issues. ESPECIALLY in an affair. There is simply not the emotional investment on his side to even consider them. I suspect you are wasting your time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 4:05pm

Hi New,


It seems to me that after all that persuing he did and he finally got what he wanted which was sex with you that he fulfilled his curiosity and left it at that. He doesn't want to be friends which is why he replied to you by saying "what else could we be given our situations"? He's pretty much saying he doesn't want nothing more and is keeping his distance so feelings don't get involved.


Affairs don't have rules and do you want to continue having an A with him knowing that he can turn Hot & Cold at any moment? If you do I hope your not in for the rollercoaster ride of your life.


Wishing you all the best and that this works out well for you.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 11:39pm

I'm not in a position right now to

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 12:08am

I can see where your coming from based upon his response of what else could we be considering our situations, but he also said he has no intention of ending this, and also said at the end of that conversation that all of the intracacies will be worked out, when I told him more about what I meant when by friendship he responded that he couldn't say yes or no and needed to mull it over.


I can see why anyone would think he just wanted to satisfy his curiosity with me sexually, but then why would he continue to call me albeit sporadically? It's rather confusing to me I guess.


This stuff is now making my evil twin want to come out and play, because I don't like to be taken advantage of and when we had out initial meeting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 2:10pm
What I mean is reading too much into the affair. Putting too much emotional stock in it. Look, this is fun and games for him. When he feels like it. For you, it means way more than that. Obviously. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be on this board. Either accept it on his terms, because no matter how much you protest, it will probably still be on his terms, or get out of it. You can't change his behavior.

Pages