The reason I am here
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The reason I am here
| Sun, 08-31-2003 - 10:13am |
I have been reading the posts for a few days now wanting to share my story but not knowing where to start or what to say. This morning I read the long line of responses to Longlegs' post from yesterday and realized that the group here could really be the support that I need.
I am a MW involved in a EMA with MM. It started as I am sure many EMAs do, as a friendship turned physical relationship turned love that has been like no other. At first I was sure I could "handle" the relationship. The sex was great, so why not. As things continued, I swore to myself that I wasn't falling in love. I had this feeling deep in my soul that this was so different for both of us, but I kept putting it out of my mind. Then, one night, in the middle of the night mind you, I got a call from my MM telling me that he couldn't deny it any more, He was "falling in love" with me. I knew in my soul that this time would come but here it was for real. All the emotions that I had been supressing came out in a flood that I couldn't stop. From that moment on our relationship was like a whirlwind. The only problem was, 3 months before this call my MM had taken a big promotion at work that would send him overseas for 1-2 years. At the time that he took the promotion, I thought is was the best thing that could have happened because it would force us to end this EMA. I had convinced myself that I would hang in there with MM until he left then work on my own marriage. Things became more and more complicated. He had always said that he wanted to end his marriage. Then, because of the promotion, he said that this was a good thing because his wife was from overseas and this would get her back in Europe closer to her family. He started asking me to wait for him. He was making all sorts of promises that I wasn't asking for if I would just hang in there and stay in touch through calls, emails, letters and an occasional visit. He continues to promise me that He wants to be with me at the end of his time there. To make matters even more complicated, our families know each others and the worst part is after 10 months of seeing each other, after making it through his leaving, We were found out 2 weeks after he left. Then all HXXX broke loose!!!!!!!!!!!!
His W was calling my H. She went off and rightly so. She left and went home to her family for 4 weeks with thier kids (3). He was so unhappy. He had been saying all along that if we could just get through this time, It was what was best for his family. To get his W on her feet. Best for the kids because it would make a big difference financially. He wanted his W to come back to stay 1 year until school was over for the kids, to get all finances worked out and because he has to stay at present job no matter what because of contract.
Well, she went back on a temporary basis. She says that it is over between them but she will try to stay the school year. He travels alot (2 weeks out of every month), so they don't have to see that much of each other.
I,on the other hand am left with my marriage in shambles. My H wants to work things out. After 3 years of not showing me how he feels, not wanting to have sex, of treating me like I was here to raise his daughter and clean his house etc....... He now wants everything to be "like it was" when we were first married. All I want to do is be with my MM. It is all I think about day in and day out. We still contact each other by phone, when he travels, it can be as much as 2 times a day. By email and regular mail. He still says that at the end of the school year he wants us to be together. He still swears to me that He loves me so much "it hurts". I am so lost these days, I don't know if I am coming or going. My H pressures me constantly to promise him that I will give our marriage a try. That he will do anything to make it work. Too little, Too late!!!!!
I am hurting so much. I really do love MM. I truly believe what he says. To this date he has never lied to me. He has always done what he said he would. I just don't know what to do.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks....
Dee
I am a MW involved in a EMA with MM. It started as I am sure many EMAs do, as a friendship turned physical relationship turned love that has been like no other. At first I was sure I could "handle" the relationship. The sex was great, so why not. As things continued, I swore to myself that I wasn't falling in love. I had this feeling deep in my soul that this was so different for both of us, but I kept putting it out of my mind. Then, one night, in the middle of the night mind you, I got a call from my MM telling me that he couldn't deny it any more, He was "falling in love" with me. I knew in my soul that this time would come but here it was for real. All the emotions that I had been supressing came out in a flood that I couldn't stop. From that moment on our relationship was like a whirlwind. The only problem was, 3 months before this call my MM had taken a big promotion at work that would send him overseas for 1-2 years. At the time that he took the promotion, I thought is was the best thing that could have happened because it would force us to end this EMA. I had convinced myself that I would hang in there with MM until he left then work on my own marriage. Things became more and more complicated. He had always said that he wanted to end his marriage. Then, because of the promotion, he said that this was a good thing because his wife was from overseas and this would get her back in Europe closer to her family. He started asking me to wait for him. He was making all sorts of promises that I wasn't asking for if I would just hang in there and stay in touch through calls, emails, letters and an occasional visit. He continues to promise me that He wants to be with me at the end of his time there. To make matters even more complicated, our families know each others and the worst part is after 10 months of seeing each other, after making it through his leaving, We were found out 2 weeks after he left. Then all HXXX broke loose!!!!!!!!!!!!
His W was calling my H. She went off and rightly so. She left and went home to her family for 4 weeks with thier kids (3). He was so unhappy. He had been saying all along that if we could just get through this time, It was what was best for his family. To get his W on her feet. Best for the kids because it would make a big difference financially. He wanted his W to come back to stay 1 year until school was over for the kids, to get all finances worked out and because he has to stay at present job no matter what because of contract.
Well, she went back on a temporary basis. She says that it is over between them but she will try to stay the school year. He travels alot (2 weeks out of every month), so they don't have to see that much of each other.
I,on the other hand am left with my marriage in shambles. My H wants to work things out. After 3 years of not showing me how he feels, not wanting to have sex, of treating me like I was here to raise his daughter and clean his house etc....... He now wants everything to be "like it was" when we were first married. All I want to do is be with my MM. It is all I think about day in and day out. We still contact each other by phone, when he travels, it can be as much as 2 times a day. By email and regular mail. He still says that at the end of the school year he wants us to be together. He still swears to me that He loves me so much "it hurts". I am so lost these days, I don't know if I am coming or going. My H pressures me constantly to promise him that I will give our marriage a try. That he will do anything to make it work. Too little, Too late!!!!!
I am hurting so much. I really do love MM. I truly believe what he says. To this date he has never lied to me. He has always done what he said he would. I just don't know what to do.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks....
Dee

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't have any words of wisdom to impart, but maybe I can pose some questions for you to ask yourself. I hope thinking about the answers will help a little...
Would you be willing to leave your H if MM weren't in the picture? How about MM: do you think he would be willing to leave his W if you weren't in the picture?
Pug
Thank you for the response. Those are questions that MM and I have discussed. He says that his marriage is already over now. They are together until end of school year because of children and living situation. I have said that I want to leave H, If MM was no longer in the picture, I would wait until my financial situation was more settled. H and I would have to split finances, house,retirement etc. Plus we have 1 daughter still at home. I am very unhappy with relationship with H but I am not willing to make rash decisions.
Dee