The Reason I'm Here
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| Fri, 08-29-2003 - 9:38pm |
Nobody seems to judge here, and all seem to want to help. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found this board. I didn't know anyone else felt like I did. But all of us seem to be hurting, in one way or another, even though we're in love. We all love someone, and we know it's not right, but we can't help it. I mean, I'm almost 57 years old, and I feel like a teenager, IN ALL WAYS! (gives you youngsters something to aspire to, doesn't it?? :) )
If I would use my brain, I would realize that what my sweetie and I have (and our love affair is really new) must end, and will end. It can't be any other way. If I would use my brain, I would spend time trying to make things right with my H of 34 years, instead of ignoring that and concentrating on my love. I'm just tired, and MM gives me what I have always needed.
I read all of your posts, and it just breaks my heart, because I know that most of your hearts will be broken too. What do we all want? Love. And this affair gives us what we want and need. Maybe it's just sex, maybe it's just the excitement of somebody finally seeing something more in us. But there's got to more than that. I don't know-I'm a mature, intelligent woman, but I'm besotted, and I don't know what to do. I can't even imagine how those of you who are so much younger, with other complications, cope.
Less than 3 months ago, I led a pleasant, if uneventful, suburban life. Now my life is full of finding ways I can see my long distance lover, full of deceit and lies, and I'm NOT a good liar, and, quite honestly, I'm not so proud of myself. And we will never even get to see each other more than every couple of months! That's not a life!
You know, I just read Annie's post-she asked if it always has to be so hopeless. You know, I think it is that hopeless. That's the reality.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, if anything. I'm just glad I have this place to say it in.
Legs
Edited 8/29/2003 9:42:11 PM ET by longlegs2
Edited 8/29/2003 9:45:46 PM ET by longlegs2
Edited 8/29/2003 9:48:28 PM ET by longlegs2

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you must think about what YOU want, not someone else -- OM, H, MM or whomever. you are the only one who can make yourself happy in this life.
good luck in whatever you decide,
gurl
Today I am here because I am feeling sorry for myself. My OM is having an attack of morals. He isn't sure that he can continue this. I don't blame him for feeling that way, but I'm sad that we're at this point again. We just reconnected in January after a year and a half of NC. Your post really touched me. I am trying to decide what to say to him when he calls me next week to say that he has decided it is over. I don't know that that is what will happen, but I am preparing myself for it, and hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised instead. Maybe it was Desert who got to me, but as I was reading each post, I figured out not necessarily what I need to say, but how I need to act. I did choose to get involved in this situation, and I have no regrets. I would do it again. It's like "The Dance" by Garth Brooks - I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance. And I wouldn't have wanted to miss this dance for anything. Our situation is one where love just isn't enough. I have loved OM for quite awhile and he's loved me for 15 years, but I'm not ready to leave my M, and I can't blame him for wanting more than I can give him right now. Thanks for starting this thread. I know that I sound pretty sad, but really it made me feel good.
lp
I'm no expert on this-MM and I only declared our love for each other on July 30 (after one meeting after not seeing each other for 38 years).
I know ours will end too-not because we don't want it anymore, but because we can't-distance mostly. I understand about you wanting to be prepared. I feel that way, too.
Like Sweetc posted, if it is over, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. That thought is really helping me.
It's just amazing to me that so many of us are in the same situation.
I'm so glad I found this board, since, like the rest of you, I have nobody in my "real" life that I can talk to about this, although, thank goodness, I have a cyberbuddy I talk to.
We'll all get through this. What other choice do we have/
Legs
I'm sure we will keep in touch as friends. We always do. Maybe not at first, but after things aren't quite so intense. It's just different and not often enough. I'm pretty sure he will be back, but it gets harder to let go each time. Plus, I hate the whole yo-yo thing. The best way to sum up our whole relationship is bad timing, but I still have hope that someday we'll straighten it all out. I'm feeling better each day, and even if we have to "cool it" for now, I know that he loves me.
Thanks,
lp
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