Red Bella
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Red Bella
| Wed, 04-14-2004 - 5:21pm |
Hi! I have been away for over a week and wondered what was going on with your situation. The last I read before I left was about the science fair and seeing MM there and the e-mail about "steering the ship". How are you doing? Has he contacted you since?
:)
Circe

I'm so touched that you would be thinking about me, thank you so much.
He did email me the next day to say that he didn't mean to hurt me, that he is just being cautious, because we always seem to end up back in the A situation. He really does want to try and stay on the straight and narrow, and I have to respect that. I really believe that he is afraid of his feelings for me, and he is worried about his son - and he basically told me that his son is the biggest reason for staying in his M. His W's mother is also dying of cancer, and I think that plays a big role in his decision.
Anyway, I did reply telling him that the only reason I would contact him is because I genuinely care about how he is doing, that I love him, but that I am not trying to start anything. It's so hard to just forget, and the feelings don't just go away.
I saw him last night as he drove by me, I was walking, but he had his son with him, so we didn't wave or anything. It took a lot of my willpower today not to email him, but I made it through the day - thanks in part to our new chat room. If you haven't signed up yet, send me an email and I'll send you an invitation
red_bella37@hotmail.com
I feel a little bad about going on and on about me, but I've also been to the doctor and he has prescribed anti-depressants. I think with everything going (or not) on with xMM and also my H (that's another story), it just got to be too much for me to handle. I realize that I have been battling depression for most of my adult life and I've just never dealt with it properly. Hopefully, now I can, and then move forward to happiness, or a least contentment. So other than a few side-effects from the new meds, I'm not doing too badly. Trying to keep busy at work, and my H just found out that his schedule at work will be changing, so he'll have more time to spend with the family - I figure we'll either end up loving each other, or hating each other. It's been a long time since he's been home in the evenings and on weekends, so we'll see how it works out.
I still miss xMM terribly and think about him sooo much, but I'm trying to give him the space he needs, and as been's pointed out to me, if were meant to be together, it will happen.
Again, thank you very much for thinking about me. Please tell me how you are doing, and feel free to email me anytime.
Take care
Red
Are you getting any type of counseling with the meds? If not, that may help as well. Even if you go without H, just having someone to talk to in conjunction with the meds may help you get through all of this.
It must be so hard that you live near him and can run into MM on the street like that. I am sure that it is just as painful for him as it is for you when you see each other by chance.
Well thanks for catching me up. I was just so heartbroken for you over the science fair story...I couldn't imagine how you felt that night. Hang in there, and don't worry about "going on and on" about yourself, as you said. That's why we're all here, to support each other. And it sounds like you need that support right now.
I would definitely be interested in chat. My e-mail is kk222@hotmail.com.
Thanks!
((hugs))
Circe