Rejected! He feels guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Rejected! He feels guilty
15
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:32pm
What was to be four days in paradise for me has not exactly turned out like I expected. My MM and I have escaped for a few days together during a convention. Last night was wonderful. This morning, he couldn't handle the guilt. The wife called while we were still in bed and that made it worse. He just wanted to get up and leave. We spent the day in meetings. We are attending a convention and are keeping our relationship a secret. It is hard with the 400 people here to hide it, so we got separate rooms so it wouldn't be obvious. The plan was for us to only use one room but he went to his room! I feel rejected! He rejected me this morning and now I am not sure if he will come back. I am really on the down side of this rollercoaster. Any advice?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:36pm
girl, hang in there... guilt is hard issue to deal with for some people.He may just need his space and does not mean it to seem as if he is rejecting you.

hope that helps

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:43pm
He does claim that he needs some space. Thanks for your response. I really need to hear any words of encouragement right now. I am waiting for him tonight and I am not sure if he will show up. I am having a hard time with this and I really did not expect it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:53pm
girl,

try not to be to disappointed if he doesn't show.. Sometimes these R we get in turn out to be so complicated.. and I AM speaking from experience on that... It has been one H*LL of a day. I myself am ready to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, I keep telling myself tomorrow is a new day.

Keep me posted on what happens,

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 12:06am
Tomorrow I have to look at him and 400 others in meetings all day. I can't stand this rejection. We haven't talked since he left this morning around 11:30. I've seen him in meetings and kept my distance so we don't seem suspicious. I am also ready to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head. I just don't think I can sleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 8:54am
((girl)) I am in somewhat of a similar situation. Never know what OM is going to do next. My advice is to give him his space. Let him find his way back to you, if that is what he wants. NC is hard (tried it this week) but it may help both of you decide what you want. Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 12:44pm
girl

It's never easy, is it? Let us know what happened.

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 1:45pm
aww ((((girl)))), I'm sorry that you're having to go through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 10:33pm
hope you are doing good now. guilty is part and parcel of this R. please don't torture yourself on his behalf. just give him some space.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 5:25pm
Here is my update... It is the 4th day of our convention. We have talked about our relationship and he just needs to have some space. He is not sure that this affair is for him. He feels guilty. He wants to be friends and just be spontaneous with what happens next in our relationship. I told him I would be patient with him.

We are both happily married, with children and openly communicated to each other that we just wanted to be friends with benefits. Neither of us ever had the intention of leaving our spouses and we have both admitted that we are not in love with each other.

Of course, I am more emotionally attached and I think that he has started to become attached, too. This is probably what is bothering him. Thursday night he told me that he cared deeply for me and this was not just all about sex. We had an incredible night of passion on Thursday night and when we woke up on Friday morning he burried his head in his hands and said, "I just don't know if I can continue this. I feel guilty." At that moment, his W called and that made it worse.

I really don't know what to expect next. But I am dreading tonight. His W flys in tonight to join him for the formal awards dinner. I will get to meet her for the first time and at a time that I feel rejected.

Thanks for your support and your encouragement! I'd love opinions on what to do next.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 1:09am
Another update... Well, the party is over and I met his wife at the corporate awards dinner tonight. There were over 500 guests so I had a difficult time even finding him. I walked up to them and said, "Hi, introduce me to you wife!" I think it made him very nervous but he said he would introduce me earlier in the week. His W is not too cute, short, and definately 30 pounds heavier than I am. I guess I shouldn't be so critical but I am a tall, blonde, tiny size 2 that spends a lot of time at the gym to achieve perfection. I would say that his wife and I are as different as night and day. She is quiet and simple and I am an outgoing agressive sales person.

It was hard for me to watch him with her especially when the dancing began. I stayed focused on the many other friends I had at the party and tried not to show my sadness. We all fly home to different cities tomorrow. It is not likely that I will see him at all tomorrow. I am hurting inside and not too sure what to do next. I am really disappointed because he flipped out on me after a most incredible night. I really do not want to end this affair, but he's not sure he can handle it. Any advice?

Pages