Rejected! He feels guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Rejected! He feels guilty
15
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:32pm
What was to be four days in paradise for me has not exactly turned out like I expected. My MM and I have escaped for a few days together during a convention. Last night was wonderful. This morning, he couldn't handle the guilt. The wife called while we were still in bed and that made it worse. He just wanted to get up and leave. We spent the day in meetings. We are attending a convention and are keeping our relationship a secret. It is hard with the 400 people here to hide it, so we got separate rooms so it wouldn't be obvious. The plan was for us to only use one room but he went to his room! I feel rejected! He rejected me this morning and now I am not sure if he will come back. I am really on the down side of this rollercoaster. Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 7:16am
Hi Girl,

You asked for adviced, so here it goes....

Since this situation is making you so sad and since the MM is flipping out, and since you state you are tall, blonde, size 2 and work on perfecting your body, and you are aggressive, why not find someone you can have all to yourself? It should be no problem to find a quality man who is available to you if you have all those qualities you claim to have. Pining for a man who obviously still cares for his wife and trying to make sense why (thus comparing your physical attributes to hers) is not helping your self esteem even if you think you are the more physical appealing of the two. Now you are spending time thinking, in essence, "why would he want to be with that when he can have this?" Again, not good for the ole self esteem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 3:43pm
I agree with pensive here. Think about it.

I have a question...if you knew he was feeling guilty, why did you insist on meeting his wife? God, if my MM was feeling guilty in that way, I certainly wouldn't want to make things worse for him.

Just think about it. Keep us updated.

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 11:30pm
Oh, we had discussed the fact that he wanted to introduce me to her at the party. That was planned.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm sure I could find someone else that would be a better catch. I met a nice doctor on my flight this morning that invited me to dinner.

I guess I really wanted this relationship to work. We both wanted the same from this affair and it seemed so perfect for the last 4-5 months. At this point, I don't know where it is going. Not knowing is the hard part. I'm not loosing sleep over him but I am really dissappointed and I hope that he can come to terms with his guilty feelings and spend time with me again soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 12:13am
You ARE losing sleep over him! You said yourself that you are both "happily married". Why not just go back to your husband and work on that relationship? Why are you looking for someone else? I think you need to take care of yourself and you're not doing it. You're just looking for trouble!

Sorry, but that's my opinion!

Take care,

N

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 6:58am
Oh, I missed the part of you being happily married. I guess that was on another thread. Yea, if you are happily married, then it is best to work on your M so you don't complicate things. Otherwise, you are in for a long ride (review all the messages here and the ones on the Ending an Affair Board). The decision is up to you, but you may find that working on your marriage will do a lot more for you and your self esteem. Pursuing an A is likely to diminish it.

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