RelationshipNOTJUSTAFFAIR

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
RelationshipNOTJUSTAFFAIR
3
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:58pm
Please tell me that there is someone else out there that has what I call a relationship, not just affair with a married man. I mean a full fledged relationship. Talking on the phone 4 or 5 times daily, seeing each other daily, involved with his extended family, mom dad, brothers and sisters and all friends. They all know me and I know them. I am thought of as his best friend. And I am(as he tells me quite often). Years times 4 actually. The love of my life. And actually he lives 2 lives. A very absent wife at home,(obviously if he has so much time to spend with me) (she gives a crap truly about him only about $$$$$). I am the one he turns to for everything and he is there when i turn to him. He won't leave her due to a commitment he made by marrying her, but didn't he already break that commitment.!!!!!!!!!I don;t care to ask questions anymore, details, cause the answers from experience totally kill my heart, mind and spirit. I know 100% what the two of us share, whatever he shares with someone else I don;t need to know. I do believe this. There is a lot at stake.$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. And if he didn't love me and had anything with her like he has with me, then he would have ended things with me. I would be destroyed if he left, but I would respect his decision. After all this time,,quality and quantity, he is too deep within my heart, and involved in my life to ever comprehend his absence in my life as he has grown so attached to me as well, we both feel like what we have and do is normal. Every hurtful situation, occasion i have to deal with he finds someway to try his best to make it easier for me. Sorry so long, but i want to meet someone who is going through the same, maybe just to let me know that someone understands. Times are so lonely,,,,,,,,,,,,but the times together carry we well beyond them. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 7:12pm
YES!!! Finally!! A kindred spirit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are few and far between, it seems, at least on iVillage.

My MM and I are in love, have a regular "relationship" in the sense that we are totally accountable to one another every day - always call, always text, always email, always recognize anniversaries, even of the day we met, where we talk through our issues and boy there are some doozies - like the fact that he got transferred for a temporary but two year stint and now we can see each other only every few months, at best, and like the fact that he has not figured out how to be upfront with his wife about his unhappiness (and this becomes an issue of ethics for me - I don't think he is being fair to HER because I KNOW that he is going to leave her eventually, and I think stringing her along indefinitely is very unfair to her).

I never expected to fall in love with this guy - but not for the reason that most of the gals on this board say that. See, I WANTED to fall in love with him because my own marriage SUCKS and this man has been a GODSEND for me. He pursued my friendship but made it clear that he was attracted but also that he would not disrespect our friendship by making it into something sordid. I knew he was in love with me, and objectively, I felt that he was the perfect guy for me. But I have been hurt by my husband and other men, and my heart was not open to falling in love with this man or anyone.

Then, as the day of his transfer to another city in another state came closer, I began to open up. The rest is history.

Olivia, let's chat again, okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 9:24pm
eeternaloptimist,

THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....I too know someday, probably later rather than sooner, my MM will end his marriage. I can;t even call it a marriage. No togetherness, no love, no communication, all of these things my MM so desires. It's in him, he requires it. Now that he has experienced it with me, he can't leave. He will not be able to live without it any longer. I will be with this man(even though i really consider that I already am.) (Does that sound sick). I am the one he runs to, the one he chooses to be with,when he truly has a choice..... she is the one he HAS to be with.(due to commitment)LOL. I am not a commitment trying to be followed through on. I would rather be me anyday! Thanks to you, my normalsy has been confirmed. Thank You........Love olivia!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 6:10am
It's so good to see others with the type of relationship I truley want with MM. MM and I have been together 4 1/2 years. He is the sweetest man I know. We see each other almost every day, except for our two days off. We talk, and e-mail each other a lot. It's just unfortunate that most of us can't be with OM's because of their W's. MM's W just had a new baby, and they already have another child. We were talking about our relationship, and I told him that I don't want him to end up resenting me in the end. He said he wants to be with me, and loves me so much. I love him so much, that I told him that I would be willing to wait for him. My H and I have talked of D, but at the moment it is easier to stay together for financial reasons. We figures that in a year or two, we'll talk again.