Reminiscing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Reminiscing...
12
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 12:58pm
There are somedays I can just dream about how things could be and be happy about it. Other days I am a little sad about how things could have been a little different. There were opportunities - some missed and some taken at tide - but all in all I have no regrets. I have a lots of emails from him - some not so good (LOL) and some very sweet emails from him. If were to end today, I am at a place where I can pick up the pieces and move on. This is not to say I want to end or anything - just mentioning my state of mind. Right now, mentioning "just" - I can thing of two convos with MM that are bittersweet. :) He used to hate that word coming out of my mouth, but now he is "used" to it (I think). LOL

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on my random thoughts here. This board has been a godsend (literally!!)to me and I love posting my thoughts here. Thanks...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:41pm
How true. All of us could look back at our lives and point out countless mistakes I'm sure. But ultimately our experiences have made us the people we are. I often think about whether I should have gotten married but had I not, I wouldn't have my son. And he is the greatest accomplishment of my life. I am so proud of the person he is and the person he will be. And if I could go back, perhaps I wouldn't have another child on the way. But ultimately I will love him just as much as my son and that is not something to regret. And had I not been married, I don't know that I would have met the woman of my dreams, also known as the OW.

And my R with my OW will hopefully progress into the future. But if it doesn't, I will always be grateful for the love and respect she has shown me. I now know that I can be a better man than I have been in the past. I know that a real connection on every level is possible and it is what I deserve.

I guess for me, bittersweet describes something different. The ending of my M. My W is a good person and someone I care about a great deal. I wish her nothing but happiness and I know she will move on and find someone who is a better fit for her. But I can't continue down the path I'm on and still become the person I want and need to be. So I have to say goodbye to this stage of my life and move on to a new and frightening one.

Still, I can see how for most of the people here, the A would be such a bittersweet experience. To feel so loved and so happy to have found someone and yet never fully be able to share that person's life. Still, those stolen moments and experiences are worth every pain I'm sure. Love always is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:45pm
I guess you really have to know the conversations we had to understand what I mean by bittersweet. :-) I agree everything mistake should be taken as a stepping stone not as a failure. Thanks for your post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:49pm
You're right, I don't know what conversations you two have had so I can't know what you mean exactly. I guess based on the general tone of the e-mail I took it and ran with it, applying it to my own situation. I suppose we each have a different meaning for that word based on our own situations. But it is part of life I suppose to feel pain. Without the ecstacy of being in love and the agony of losing it, we wouldn't really be alive. I wish for you and all other members of this board, more happiness than pain, more love than hurt. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 4:18pm
That's very true, omaha...Sometimes you have to deal with heartache when you allow yourself to love. I still think it's worth the risk. I think we all think it's worth the risk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:31am
I wish I was in your state of mind today. I got up and had an panic attack today about saying something to H, and wondering if he was to take make something out of it maore than he should. I don't feel too good now. There is only one person I want to see now and tell him that I would never want to do anything to hurt him. Gosh, I am in a mess....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:42am
hey juliet, what's going on honey?

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:45am
I can't contact him, today, that is. I know I'll stop myself from going crazy. Just give me an hour or so, I'll be fine. oh, btw, I sent you an email to your yahoo account.

PS: I don't mean to be such a drama queen today. :(


Edited 3/10/2004 11:59 am ET ET by julietsfate

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:00pm
i know!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:08pm
I can't get into my web emails today. So give me time to get to your reply.


Edited 3/10/2004 12:09 pm ET ET by julietsfate
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 1:32pm
okey dokey!

CL-Gurlfriend50


Co-CL of My Affair Support Board


Live, Love and Be Happy!


CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

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