respone to my other post ( # 29357.1)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
respone to my other post ( # 29357.1)
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 1:32pm
I didn't know how to post a response to the responses from my previous message so I though this would be the best way. Anyway, I just wanted to thank Luvin and Lily for your comments and questions. Don't ever feel you're being too nosey. I find that sometimes questions from other people can help put things in perspective :)

I've been with my BF for just over two years. We have no children, but have talked about the possibility of marriage and children many times. We've been living together for the past year and a half. He's totally in love with me and very devoted, but I find that his career takes over much of the time. I feel that I'm in love with him but for some reason, the closer we get the more the age difference bothers me. He's the first serious, LTR I've been in and I've been wondering what it would be like to be with someone younger, closer to my age.

Lily, in response to you, I've tried talking to OM about what his expectations are. He tells me he's perfectly happy just being friends (no sexual component involved at all) but I know how hard that's going to be. I had thought I was as happy as is possible in my LTR, but I found the connection with OM was so strong that I couldn't resist acting on that connection, and I found I didn't want to resist it.

There are underlying issues with my BF that we've tried addressing: his career and how that affects our R, his friendship with his ex-girlfriend, being on different levels sexually at times. But perhaps there's something else there that I wasn't aware of. If OM wasn't there, I don't think I'd want to walk away from my R with my BF.

The first time I was with OM I felt so guilty afterwards that I felt compelled to tell my BF at the risk of losing him and ending our R. I was almost shocked when he didn't get angry or upset about it. He was understanding and could see how sorry I was (there's background info that would take too long to explain now). But now I've met with OM again. I haven't told my BF about the second meeting and probably won't. It's not like I had planned to have sex with OM again. The pull is so strong though when we're together that I end up acting on how I'm feeling. Anyway, I told OM how I felt about the sexual side of our situation, that I needed to step back and really think about what was happening and the consequences, also the possibility of maintaining contact with him but avoiding the sexual part of things. He appeared understanding enough and told me not to worry, whatever I decided he was fine with. That was two nights ago...I'm still thinking things through lol.

Anyway, thanks so much for you comments and questions. I totally appreciate your input. And my apologies for such a long response :)

rainbw