The Ride is Over..for now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
The Ride is Over..for now
9
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 3:51pm
And possibly forever. Much as i love the guy, it just kills me to see him degrade himself because of his wife. I can't watch it anymore. If he wants to do that, then so be it. But i'm choosing not to be a party to it, nor do i want to be known as some floozy who couldn't control herself. I really feel like telling him to call me when he decides to grow some balls, and until he can start standing up for himself to her, i can't be around him anymore to watch his humiliation. And i'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces anymore either. Feel like i'm giving a lot more than i get back and thats not right. I will soon be single while he will not. I will be starting anew while he is still with the old. I'm tired of the roller coaster ride, and i'm getting off of it for now. Thanks to all who have been a help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 4:37pm

Hi emscemily,


I'm very glad for you. You sound trully fed up with the situation. Your AP was very blessed to have you for the time he did. Maybe this will cause him to wake up and take some steps toward his own happiness.


How do you feel about being done with him? Are you relieved? I'm starting to get really tired and fed up, so I just wondered what

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 8:30pm
I know how you feel. You get to a point when you just cant take it any more.
Scar
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 9:20pm
Well i wasn't sitting around waiting for us to be together.. i never did do that. I continued on my life journey, pursuing my interests, and what makes me happy, more so because of his encouragement. He has shown me how to think of myself more often and what i want, and the ironic thing is, he is pushed around so much by his W, he himself, is blind to it. Everyone in our social circle sees what his W does to him. This past weekend he was in the middle of a public performance, when his W interrupted him and forced him offstage cuz she couldn't find their 13y.o. son. He should have told her to go look for herself, or that he would be done in 30mins. The place is familiar to everyone and there's no way the son would've gotten lost. One would think that she and her son would watch him and appreciate what a talented person he is. But she never did take an interest in his passion. She sat on her fat a$$ all day, with him waiting hand and foot on her nonstop. God forbid if she's unhappy and there was something he could have done about it. She still harps on him about crap that happened 15years ago.
So yeah, i decided i had enough of watching my friend being ambushed over and over again by his own W and go back for more every time. And all our mutual friends dont wanna socialize with him and his W anymore either cuz of how she treats him. And I just cant stand the person he is around her and not so sure i can trust him to be really truthful with me, as i have seen him omit information many times to her.. what does he omit telling me? i can only wonder. If he does it to his own W, he will do it to me too. I dont need it, i dont want it...i'm off this ride for a while. When and if AP decides to get his balls back, i may or may not be there for him. Life goes on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 1:50am

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry for your pain.

This man wanted to be treated like a man by you, then goes back home to continue being treated like a wallet and a doormat. If he feels unable or unwilling to take control of his life then you are enabling him to keep up the charade he calls his M by being his outlet. Good on you for getting off that torturous ride.

I sincerely hope that you get the outcome you want but you are right that until you leave the scene, he will never know how much you mean to him.
Good luck.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 8:10am
Thanks for the responses. I made me see things in a little bit o' different light. I never thought about being an enabler to him. And i bet thats just what i am, too. I do treat him like the gentleman that he is, which is probably why he kept coming back to me. But i dunno if leaving the scene will cause him to think about how much i mean to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 10:05am

What i feel is that since you are about to be free , you want to shop around for single men and AP doesnt suit the bill.
You say that if does this to wife then wont he to you but then again, you will see how things are if he is free? Well, how does it matter if he is free?he will do the same to you.You seem to be putting your need to be free from him( not at all selfish thou) ,by blaming him.If you want to be able to shop around after being free then dont fault find in him.

you seem to be wanting to be guilt free by breaking up with AP.your desire to date around is right but blaming AP is wrong.If you to be free,then be so.Why stone throw to someone who , who knows why is tolerating being treated like a doormat?
How can the 'ride be over .. for now' when you believe that AP might do the same to you.
Stop blaming him for your own selfish decision.

Many people stay married for reasons known to them only.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 10:33am

I think that was a little harsh LD. Why should she feel guilty about breaking up with AP when he comes to her for his feel goods and ego strokes then goes home to get a helping of crap from W? I believe that she is enabling him to tolerate the abuse he gets in his home by being there to build him up to man-status when he feels inadequate. She still cares for him but is angry at his cake-eating. Telling EE off for trying to stop from feeling used is unfair IMO.

emscemily, do what you feel is necessary, but i do believe that he will only realize what a support you are to him once you are not there to make him feel better about what he lives with- and rightly so. If he wants misery, then he will stay put.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 10:58am
I don't think Lovingdoll's comments were harsh at all. She is simply shooting from the hip and saying to the poster that she is not responsible for fighting her MM battle from the big bad wifey. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors in a M. Judging M from the outside and making a statement about the W mistreating the poor H might be an image that ppl see on the outside but who is to say that it's the truth behind what goes on in their M. No one knows what goes on behind the walls of the marital walls but the two ppl who are M. I think that emscemily is a caretaker and a person who tries to save ppl and I see her getting caught up in trying to "save" someone who doesn't want to be saved. She is only hearing his side and doesn't know what poor innocent abused MM is telling his W and the truth about what their M is really like. Her being free is an opportunity to invite a man into her life who doesn't need saving and who won't make excuses for why he can't give HER 100% of what she needs. I say she should take her new-found single status, drop poor defenseless MM and seek someone who is truthful and honest. She is already ending a M which was obviously bad why get into another R when the signs are clear as day on the wall that this man is dishonest, week and needs a woman to save him from another woman. She deserves better than that JMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:17am

OK i stand corrected. Written in that context i now understand her point. Thanks myra.
I am all for unfiltered opinions, but i read in the OP was that what EE was more interested in keeping this A open and venting that she wanted him to jump off that darn fence once and for all (on her side of course). I can see now how it can be read in two ways. Sorry LD.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.