Roll Call

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Roll Call
Wed, 10-30-2013 - 9:50pm

Who is still here? Any newbies? 

Tell us a where you are at in your A, I'll start with mine.

I am in a deep and loving A for 4.5 years, we are in contact with each other every day - all day - for the past 4.5 years. We see each other regularly, at a minimum of twice weekly for an extended period of time. For the sceptics out there that think that this type of R never extends beyond the physicality of it - AP and I cook meals together, we have visited art galleries together, we have travelled together, we have danced together, in general we have been involved in many activities out of the bedroom. Now I will add that the PA is still VERY intense - almost 5 years on.

I am M with 3 young children, AP's  children are older, and was M a year into our A, but left his M after he decided not to pretend any more after his dday. AP has been single and waiting for me for the past 3.5 years, and has given me until Dec 2015 to leave. We are planning to turn this into a RL relationship, I'm torn between feeling intense guilt for my H, who has been a good man and a great father to my children, and separating my children from their father.

This journey has been a difficult one to say the least, one that has taken a toll on me in many ways.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
Thu, 10-31-2013 - 8:43pm

Hi Love_My_Tiramisu, I'm glad to hear you are doing OK. 

AP and I have just reached the 5 year mark in what is a very loving relationship, it's a LDA so we don't get to meet up that often, once a month if we are lucky. I've known him since I was 15 and I'm 60 now, we lost touch for many years. We are both married and our children are grown though he is still supporting his youngest child through university. The only commitment we have made to each other is that we won't lose touch again, and during our last meeting he said he would fight to keep me in his life this time. We have no plans at the moment to change/move our relationship on.

Our relationship is not confined to the bedroom either, we talk (email) during the week but not usually at weekends. We go out to restaurants, visit places of interest, go for walks together, have passionate discussions about many topics, some we agree on some we don't...he's been spared my cooking so far, but that may change soon as he's house sitting for two weeks in November for a relative while they are on holiday. :-)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 11-20-2013 - 5:17pm

Hi Tiramisu,

how nice to see familiar "faces" LOL.

My AP is signing the lease today to move his family into a smaller place and then moving out from them himself. The W of course doesn't take the separation well, she's been hunging on to him all this time and it even got physical (from her). She told him that she's scared of being alone (he already told her that he would help with everything) and she makes him feel bad for coming to this country for him.

He feels pity for her, but he considers that he's been there for her over 1.5 years supporting her and it's enough. She doesn't know about us and the plan is to present me some time after the separation as a new person he met.

We are still very close and passionate about each other. We've been through many difficulties and I feel that I know him well enough and that includes his imperfections. I could work through my insecurities and jealousy and it made me stronger, so whatever happens, I will never regret it.

Eventhough we seem to be getting there, I don't want to call it my happy ending yet, but I'm actually already happy with my life :).

My AP doesn't believe in staying with his W out of pity, eventhough he feels guilty for falling out of love with her when she did nothing wrong (that's what he says). Maybe it's something you could think about Tiramisu. Your H doesn't need pity, he needs a woman who loves him fully.