The Roller Coaster
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| Thu, 04-01-2004 - 12:09am |
This morning I was taking the OW to work, and I was pretty happy about it. I really like seeing her in the morning, it's a really nice way to start my day.
As the day wore on I realized how much of my time is going into maintaining that EMA. I babysat last night while she was at a meeting, tonight I'm taking her to the airport, tomorrow I'm probably watching the munchkin for a little while... and I'm not complaining, it's just an observation.
I also started realizing that there are certain things (like music equipment) that I just can't put to use in the new apartment. I got suddenly a little shallow and whining about not getting to play with my toys. Then I started thinking about how much my life is about to change, and I just generally started freaking out -- something I simply don't do. I started feeling guilty again about the W being nice to me and reading replies to my "leopards and spots" post started wondering... what if she can actually change this time? What if finally after ten years of being lower on the priority list than I wanted she manages to move me up close to the top?
To make a day-long story short, I bounced back and forth a few times this afternoon and was able to generally work myself into a respectable frenzy. Before the day was over, I was angry with everyone involved -- myself, my W, my OW -- all of us.
I had to take my OW to the airport tonight. It's an hour drive. Most of the way there it was stressful and tense as she sulked a little over not being involved in something I'm doing this weekend. But at some point I just started talking and telling her all the things I worried about with us and how much I was going through, and she was (as she usually is) more understanding. I think maybe she pushes a little until I start to push back some, then she is quick to stop and be reasonable. That's something I really like about her -- she doesn't fear conflict but she won't pick a fight either. Quick to love, slow to fight. Nice qualities in a mate.
By the time I dropped her off I was just completely overwhelmed with her again. She's just such an amazing person that I want to be around all of the time. Then I came home to the W who is sugary sweet and almost pretending I'm not moving out. It's all just freaking me out to be perfectly honest.
I guess I just needed to vent a little, cuz my chest hurts and my head hurts and I have a sense that I'm slightly paralyzed by fear despite my efforts this week. Don't really know that I'm looking for any advice, but feel free to chime in if you like. I certainly do it to everyone else here enough...
;)
rain

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Red
Anyone who knows astrology....MM is a Libra. How compatible are we according to the stars? Just asking out of fun.
I don't think BDSM precludes love from sex. To further drag this thread afield...
There are basically two kinds of dominant people in that world. One likes to push people around and make them do what they want so they can feel powerful and fulfilled. The other type (and I include myself in this type) really try very hard to find out what excites the person we're with, what challenges their limitations, and what is too much -- and all before anyone takes anything off. I like being responsible for someone's "good time" and I really have only explored with people I felt close to.
I seem to have a personality and temperment suited to making people comfortable. If a trusting relationship develops, and someone feels like they trust me enough that they want to try new sensations or experiences, and if I feel some genuine affection for them, then maybe we talked about something physical.
For me, if I don't feel close to someone, I just don't have an interest in sex with them. And that's why my W and I are in this spot: not being important in her life led to me really just not feeling close to her.
I guess I should have followed my instinct and kept most of these details to myself. Such poentially contraversial topics tend to polarize groups and take away from the original focus which was how to deal with the roller coaster of As.
Making you feel like an outsider was the farthest thing from my mind, and I certainly wasn't trying to suggest my preferences were better. It's just who I am and I was trying to clear some things up. I have enjoyed your posts and conversations, so I really am sorry if I caused you any negative feelings. I was smiling when I typed that post, but this is an imperfect medium so it's hard to tell.
rain
Of course, astrology could all be crap. Then again, pretty much everything could.
rain
Never heard of your version of dominant people and its all new to me. :)
When Leo and Libra join together in a love match, theirs is a happy union. Being situated two signs apart in the Zodiac, Leo and Libra find it easy to empathize with each other. When the Lion's unbounded energy mixes with Libra's natural sense of harmony, a great romance is forged. They can enjoy a very smooth relationship because each can appreciate and benefit from the positive attributes of the other.
As a couple, Leo and Libra are well balanced. Libra calms and soothes Leo's flamboyance. Libra lays on the charm and good manners, which tame Leo's direct and acerbic personality. Leo, however, is far more decisive than Libra. Leo can teach their lover the art of spontaneity, helping them to make and act on decisions.
Leo is ruled by The Sun and Libra is ruled by the Planet Venus. The two Signs coming together form the basic foundation of relationships - warmth and passion. The Sun and Venus go well together. The sun is a masculine energy and Venus a feminine, so this relationship strikes a balance between energies. Venus is about the beauty of romance, and The Sun is about invigorating life. This couple can sustain one another for a long time.
Leo is a Fire Sign and Libra is an Air Sign. These two elements combined either fuel one another seamlessly or diminish one another's efforts. Libra can negotiate with the impetus and vigour of Leo, and both partners tend to take part in one another's projects. When they are joined, anything is possible, but this couple must be mindful of one another's feelings and desires. Leo's action-oriented approach to life may conflict with Libra's more passive and relaxed outlook. Both Signs have a variety of interests, and Leo's need to get involved gives them great stories to share with the more reserved Libra.
Leo is a Fixed Sign and Libra is a Cardinal Sign. Leo's endurance outpaces the fleeting whims of Libra, the initiator. They have to work together to make their dreams come true. Leo will be the leader because of their strength and forceful nature. Libra will quietly take the reins from an intellectual and team-oriented perspective. Leo likes to give orders through personal authority while Libra charms others into doing things and is happy to placate Leo's ego. It's important for Leo to understand sacrifice. Libra, able to see both sides of the argument, can compromise easily, while Leo is less inclined to yield.
What's the best aspect of the Leo-Libra relationship? It's the harmony resulting from the union of Venus and The Sun. The balance between self and other represented by this relationship is a great learning experience for both lovers. Each partner makes up for what the other is missing, so theirs is a highly compatible relationship.
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/astrology/features/lovematch/articles/0,,160750_162825,00.html
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