Roller Coaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2013
Roller Coaster
Tue, 07-30-2013 - 9:12pm

So this weekend will be 2 years of nothing but one big roller coaster ride of emotions.  A little background refresher, we are neighbors that live about 20 feet from each other, both are married.  Our children play together all the time and his kids even call me mom.  We started the affair off as a sexual thing for the most part and the rules were set in place no emotional ties, no cheating with anyone else, etc.  Well when we do hook up it's usually after we both get home from work and his W is out somewhere and my H is at his second job.  We usually hook up about once a week if possible.  This last time which was a week ago today we got into an arguement about how is is alway so quick, like 10 mins and no foreplay involved and I called him on it.  He said we can't have any more (which let me say it's not ALWAYS like that but about 85% of the time) because we never know who might come walking in.  Which I get it anybody could come walking back into his house and we get caught.  I was having a bad week and really down on myself so I just let the emotions fly.  I told him that I didn't want to be a means to his end and a piece of tail to him and he looked at me said "seriously I'm not built that way I can't just get that and be gone and not care."  I said well it seems like that to me and he said he was sorry he didn't realize it.  I then said I just want to know that we both care and he said he did (he's said this on more than one occasion now) and I truly believe he does.  it's just sometimes he is so distant from me, he won't answer texts etc and I get so flustered by that.  Part of me over thinks it and the other part of me says does it really matter you talk to him amost every day outside of ya'lls house.  I feel so needy in this affair, I'm constantly asking him if he's mad at me etc. because he won't answer texts.  I'm constantly over thinking every little thing he does, like after the other day I was sitting on my porch and we had just talked about caring etc and he came over with a tomato (i grow my own) and said this is really fresh and I said thanks, then he turns around with this dead serious look on his face and says dont' ever say I don't love you!  Uh yeah so the "me" started picking it apart and over thinking the meaning.  The other part said just be glad he thought of you because he DIDN'T have to bring you that.  So does anyone else get upset with the distant feeling, do you over think things, do you feel so needy.  If you do what do you do about it to bring yourself back down to earth?  He has a very very busy week this week and he forwarned me about it so I have taken this opportunity to lay low and not be in such close proximity as he is. 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 08-01-2013 - 10:57am

Must be the week for letting emotions fly.  lol  I unloaded on AP last night.  I feel bad this morning.

Do we have the same AP?  Mine is the same way with not answering texts and becoming distant.  I also overthink entirely too much!  A simple statement from him has me reeling at times.  And needy...I hate that I am needy at times.  I give you credit though, living next door.  I had a hard enough time working with mine, let alone living so close where I could see, but not touch.

My dignity brings me down to earth.  Not contacting him too much and not flipping over the little things helps.  I try to tell myself, if he needs me, he will contact me.  I know it isn't the best thought, but it allows me to go on with my day.  He is not my H nor a bf for that matter.  It is a physical A, and there is no real commitment to each other.

Good luck!  And try to do things for you and keep busy while he is busy.  When you see him, be happy and enjoy it!


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