Rollercoaster ride continues
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Rollercoaster ride continues
| Fri, 02-13-2009 - 7:24am |
Haven't been on here for awhile. Took a little hiatus trying to maintain an affair and a marriage..not an easy task. Quick recap: I'm a married woman involved with a married man off and on for a year now. Without going into all the past details, he left his marriage, again, because he is not happy and although he cares for his wife and it kills him to hurt her, he's not in love with her. The last few times he left her to be with me, we both did it impulsively, with no planning and we were together. That always ended with him going back because he couldn't handle the guilt trips and threats his wife and adult daughter would throw at him. The last time being back in August and when he went back, I told myself that was it...I'm done, I'm tired of him not having a backbone and standing up for how he feels and wants, so, although we work together, I did not speak to him nor did I even look at him for 3 months. The beginning of December, he left me a note wanting to talk and I had a lot of crap I wanted to get off my chest, so I did and he admitted to me that it killed him to have to see me everyday and not be able to talk to me, it killed him when I would walk right by him and not even acknowledge him, he said he was still so in love with me and was so miserable and unhappy at home...blah, blah, okay, forward to last Friday...he moved out, he even had the help and support of his father and aunt. I told him that this time, we were doing it MY way...I was not leaving anything in my life, my home, my marriage, until he proved to me by getting a divorce, that he wanted to be with me. I told him that his marriage had to be over before we could be together as a couple. He said it would be so hard to do it that way because he would miss me so bad at night and on the weekends, but he would to prove his love for me. That weekend was a rough one...he constantly texted me, wanted me to just come be with him, he would be there for me no matter what, he was not going to go back, his wife told his aunt that she knew it was over and didn't want him back....forward to Wednesday night...Wednesday we kind of argued because he was telling me that he talked to his daughter and was arguing with her about supposed "rumors" her mother was hearing about the two of us and in other words, was trying to dispell them and told his daughter that yeah, I was someone he liked and had strong feelings for and that somehow, struck a raw nerve with me..I told him, why would you say that if you were going to be honest about things? Why are you wanting them to think they are rumors and I'm just someone you LIKE?
He got upset and said that it's not something that was really his daughters business and he didn't feel like he had to go into detail about something that he should talk to about his wife in person ( she supposedly wouldn't answer his calls or talk to him) and I was twisting things around and getting upset over nothing....well, after work, he went to the bar with some friends and texted me a few times saying he loved me over and over again, then later that night, the texts stopped and he wouldn't answer mine. Yesterday morning, he texted me and said that his aunt way out in the western part of the state had died and he was headed out there for a few days. I asked if I could call him and he said he wasn't alone...I said, Oh, I figured that...are you two back together, and he said no, but she was going along and he would get together with me when he got back....and I haven't heard from him since...I'm an emotional wreck. My head is saying, you SOB, I knew you couldn't do it you lying bastard, but my heart is giving him the benefit of the doubt and I want so bad to text him and ask if he his doing alright and tell him I miss and love him.....wow...long vent...I have no one else to talk to about this, so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond...thanks.
He got upset and said that it's not something that was really his daughters business and he didn't feel like he had to go into detail about something that he should talk to about his wife in person ( she supposedly wouldn't answer his calls or talk to him) and I was twisting things around and getting upset over nothing....well, after work, he went to the bar with some friends and texted me a few times saying he loved me over and over again, then later that night, the texts stopped and he wouldn't answer mine. Yesterday morning, he texted me and said that his aunt way out in the western part of the state had died and he was headed out there for a few days. I asked if I could call him and he said he wasn't alone...I said, Oh, I figured that...are you two back together, and he said no, but she was going along and he would get together with me when he got back....and I haven't heard from him since...I'm an emotional wreck. My head is saying, you SOB, I knew you couldn't do it you lying bastard, but my heart is giving him the benefit of the doubt and I want so bad to text him and ask if he his doing alright and tell him I miss and love him.....wow...long vent...I have no one else to talk to about this, so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond...thanks.

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Amexdm
Hi Truly,
Your MM and I seem to have much in common. We live in separate rooms, share the bills, roommates etc. MY MW get along fine, But no passion and no electricity as you say.
I think our situations are a little different in that you are SW and available. My GF/AP is a married woman who is very unhappily married. If she were SW I would be pursuing her much more aggresively.She keeps saying she is going to leave but she's been saying that for 10 months now. Hence that's why I say I will not leave my M until she is either living apart or divorced. My AP and I are not able to do "normal things" like hang out and cook dinner together or spend a day together. I feel we need more of those times.
In you situation, if you are single, you have your own place? Is he able to come spend time w/you? If he is, then he should be better able to make a decision. I'm sure his indecisiveness drives you crazy sometimes. How long have you been in phase 3? It is up to you how long you wait but reading on this board it seems some of these drag on forever. Work with whatver time frame YOU are comfortable with.
From my standpoint, I would deffinitely leave my marraige for my AP IF she is divorced. Not going to leave for a MW. And again, my home life (sans sex and passion :) is otherwise decent. It may be hard for him to leave, depends on his priorities. My AP does not pressure me to leave nor do I pressure her, so I think gentle coaxing would be best for you.
Let me know if that makes sense for you.
Amexdm
Gabby,
I like how you say MAKE DAMN SURE. It is so necessary in these relationships. It sucks that you work together, that must be tough. My AP and I are 1000 miles away, not always a bad thing. It's funny how my AP says that I need to leave my M and be on my own. Yeah, I live in an apartment alone while you "think about" how to leave your big house, husband and kids. Yeaaaaah right. I don't want to be alone, life is too short and I have too much to give.
Honestly, though I think you will hear from him soon. But sounds like he is so waffling. Will he ever make a final decision? Hope your rollercosater has some ups now. Write a book, my life feels like a fricking movie!
Amexdm
If you are saying that a grown adult male, can't handle living alone for awhile...then I don't know what you see in someone so insecure other than the ego trip it must give. Total turn
I just wish I could love this man the way he deserves and not focus that love on someone who doesn't, obviously. I guess it is pretty pathetic that a man can't live on his own for 5 days and handle it, because that was all it was...of course, he texted me yesterday morning that they weren't back together but it's quite evident there's some reason he's not responding to my texts back. He is very insecure, which is ironic when this man has the reputation of being a big, burly tough guy and he even admits it. He says that when it comes to being physical, he's not afraid of anything, but when it comes to emotional issues, he's weak...and he does cry. I guess it's that side of him that not many people see that makes it hard for me to get him out of my heart. I just don't know how I'm going to deal with all this this time.
Amexdm
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