Romantic getaway
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Romantic getaway
| Fri, 09-12-2003 - 12:48pm |
Saw MM and his W together yesterday and they looked really unhappy. Especially her. Lately she has been feeling neglected, and she's right. She IS neglected. MM is always busy with various activities and when he's not busy, they still aren't alone. They're either out with friends or out with just the two of them and their daughter. I've been telling him he needs to give her some attention, maybe a night for just the two of them, but I guess I didn't think about the repercussions of that. He just told me they're planning a getaway for the two of them. It's driving me absolutely CRAZY. The insane thing about it is that H and I are always alone together. Every weekend is pretty much just the two of us... So I really have no right to say anything, or even think about being jealous, but I guess all along it's helped knowing that they're not really ever alone together except late at night. Now I know they're going to be off together alone. Does anyone else ever have to deal with this? I know I'm supposed to be the bigger person and be happy that they're doing something that's good for their marriage, but I guess I can't help being human and having that little jealousy monster pop up.

There are two things to think of here: one, your rational self knows they have sex and that once upon a time there was romance, too, so there's no point in denying that - you don't need to think about it, but it's pointless to pretend it doesn't exist. Two, your better self knows that it is better for a couple to be happy than to be unhappy. If you have any element of the selfless in your affection for this man, you already know that in your heart.
And a third point: keep busy, and don't ask for details about it later.
Very good advice! When we first started this flirtation/affair/whatever, we used to talk about sex a lot. He is a very sexual person and sex with her is pretty kinky, to hear him talk. I used to listen with fascination, but over time, as my feelings grew, it started to drive me crazy to hear about it. I finally told him to stop telling me and he did. I don't even want to know when they've done it. Ignorance is definitely bliss. It's something you know happens, but do you really have to have a video-feed into their bedroom???
I think he's entitled to my *not* knowing certain things about his family life. When he went on vacation most recently, I looked at the pictures and commented that I'd never seen his wife look so happy, which I really have not - she looked relaxed, and she is normally pretty uptight. But I didn't ask for details such as, "tell me about the restaurants you went to, what did the kids think of this or that, what did you talk about" - this was something he got to experience with her and his kids, and not everything needs to be shared with others. Similarly, I don't share every detail of my life with anyone, including him. I like some privacy. Fortunately, so does DH and so does OM. . . even though they are my two best friends, not every thought or experience needs to be shared.
I don't feel jealous of MM's wife. I have a great life that includes her husband! But I do envy her the time she gets to spend relaxing with him. And OM says he'd trade places with my DH in a heartbeat, but it doesn't mean he's jealous of my DH or that he's unhappy with his wife. Just that we would love to have it all - the human condition. ;)
Lucky