For the S women with MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
For the S women with MM
5
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 7:43pm
How does your MM react to you having a social life? My MM flips out if he calls and my line is busy, if I am online, if I even mention going out with friends, he is sooo possesive and it bugs me because he is home everynight with his wife. I was M when we started and we got along so much better. I sometimes joke with him I should reconcile with the ex to help our relationship. Now as sad as it is I just do not tell him, because we fight way to much if I HAVE A LIFE, I hate lying but what else can I do, do any of you have that problem?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 8:57pm
HI Much

Sorry to see that someone ODed on nasty pills.

But to your question: IMO you have a right to a life whether MM likes it or not, when he leaves his wife to give you a life then maybe he gets some rights in yours.

FREE

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 2:04am
hugs!! Totally ignore that first response. She's just a little upset cuz no one cares what she is doing or when.

i don't date right now, but my MM encourages me to go out w/ friends and stuff. He dosen't want me to date right now either, and i am okay with that for now, but only because i am divorcing and my divorce is not final. Once it is i will get out there a little more ;) i went to a bar and some guys asked me for my number, he kinda wigged about that.

IMHO, our MM know it's wrong to keep us all them to themselves (or try to) when they have their wives, but they are MEN, they just can't help it. it's wrong though for him to be quite that possessive of you, and it obviously bothers you, so talk to him about it. Maybe he just feels insecure about what you two have.

Best of luck

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 5:11pm
Hi fooled2much,

I know this thread is many days old, but I thought I'd add my response anyway. The MM that I'm seeing is ok with me having a social life....to an extent. He encourages me to spend time with my friends and to go out and have fun. However, I know he would have a problem if I were dating (I'm single, btw). MM is somewhat jealous and it would drive him nuts if I were going out specifically to entertain a romantic interest with someone else. Lucky for him I'm not interested in "dating" just to get out of the house. I have plenty of friends, both male and female, that I can spend time with so that I'm not sitting at home alone.

However, as Free said, you are entitled to live your life. And the MM we are involved with are commited, on one level or another, to a W and marriage. It would be very unfair for the expectation to be present that we single girls (and guys) should sit at home and just wait. I know my MM has a hope that I'll remain devoted to him, but he accepts the reality that I may not because there is no guarantee that he will ever walk away from his M. And if he does so, I truly hope that it is for all the problems he and the W have that are unresolvable.

Although I'm not dating right now, if I were to meet someone who I discovered an interest in, I would not give up the opportunity to be happy with a full relationship because I'm waiting for MM. It would be a very difficult time for MM and myself, as I don't wish to hurt him (he has been my best friend for over a decade and I love him dearly) and I know he'd be crushed. I also hope that he loves me beyond the R and would wish to see me happy, even if I weren't with him.

Just my thoughts,

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 6:36pm
I'm glad you posted about this...yes, it can be a real problem. MM and I have a long distance relationship and when he came down to see me, he was intensely interested about whoever called me on my cell. I've learned not to mention when I have a date, it really affects him and I don't want to hurt him. However, in your case, it's not a good sign that he "flips out" it indicates he can't handle the reality of your life.

I don't know if talking to your guy would help, some men are somewhat possessive and have a hard time imagining someone they love with someone else. The fact that these guys are married doesn't seem to lessen their jealousy. So perhaps the best thing to do is to accept that they don't like you dating other men and just do it anyway, LOL, you may love him but you do have a life besides him. Just watch out to make sure he doesn't go off the deep end...my mm makes jokes about my social life but he doesn't get heated about it. Watch your back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 10:55pm

My MM is the same way. He doesn't like the thought or idea of me seeing another man. I'm nort interested in anyone right now either, but like you. I wouldn't turn someone away who was interested.