Sad Day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Sad Day.
2
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 12:22am

Well, I think this is my first official post. I've come here on and off over the past couple years. I've wanted to post but could never find the right words.

Once I wrote a super long, detailed post and something happened... I thought I posted it, only to come back to see if there were any replies and it never posted. The second time I tried to post here my son caught his bedroom on fire in the middle of my writing. Both those instances were over 6 months ago. So, maybe my third time will be a charm.

The short story is that today is a sad day for me... The guy who has my heart just got (re)married today to his ex wife and mother of his children.

The little more detailed version is... this guy is my husband's best friend. I've been married for 8 yrs and he and my husband have been friends about 6 yrs or so. Until 2 yrs ago I had never talked to or met this friend. (He lives far away from us)

When I met this guy we just clicked. We talked for hours when we first met and we just continued to talk after. We would spend hours a day talking to each other. It was purely friendship at first, but I found I could talk to him about ANYTHING.

I got involved in an affair about a yr and a half ago with a different man. It was crazy, but I talked to this current guy about it. He was my confidante. Even though he was friends with my husband, he was a great friend to me.

Well flash forward to a little over a yr ago. That affair had ended badly and this guy was there for me. Even in the middle of the other affair, I found myself having some sort of feelings for him. After the 1st affair ended I admitted to the current guy that I was starting to have crazy feelings. He admitted to having them back. He wouldn't act on them for the longest time, though.

He would come visit us, me and DH would go visit him. Nothing inappropriate ever happened. But when we'd talk... that was a different story. I can't go into all those details, I would be here for hours.

At the beginning of the month I went to see him. He and his ex wife live together with their kids. I went to visit b/c my husband was talking about us moving to their area and I was supposed to be looking at houses around them. Well it was during that trip that me and the friend first had physical contact. And all we did was kiss. But that kiss about knocked me off my feet. He begged me to move there so I could be close to him, but I just didn't really like the area.

I came home. We still talk. He told me up front that he couldn't leave his ex b/c of the kids, that the kids were why he got back with her. I didn't want to leave my husband either. It was after I came home that he told me he was remarrying her. Not b/c he loves her, but so that he is taxed less. He said they live together as a couple/family so why not get the tax benefits?

So today, they went to the courthouse, got the marriage license and got married. I asked him if he had to say all the "I promise too... blah blah blah" and he said, nope, all he had to say was "yep".

Even though I KNOW this is a financial arrangement...it hurts. I can't talk to anyone about it. I don't have a right to feel hurt. I am married. He's been living with her anyways. It just feels like this complicates things even more.

And I know her. I'm on friendly terms with her.

I dunno what else to say, guess I just needed to get it out... Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: itzfun4me
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 2:26am

Hi hun,


I'm glad you came here to post.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
In reply to: itzfun4me
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 10:11am

Im sorry you feel so sad. I also understand how you feel. Some men make silly decisions based in the name of "obligation to the kids".
I am a firm believer that parents need love and comittment to keep a family together and that using the kids as the anchor only leads to a half-life. No one wins IMO.

The only thing i can think of to assure you is that he is continuing to talk to you. I hope it gets better for you.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.