a sad milestone

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
a sad milestone
11
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 12:25pm
Well today marks 11 days of NC. The longest we had ever gone before was 10 days. It is silly for me to be counting the days in the first place since our A is over and I don't expect to hear from him again. But I guess I can't help myself.

Feeling very sad, still trying to move on...

GB2

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 1:12pm
Goingbonkers, I'm sending you hugs. Please stop counting the days since N/C. As hard as it maybe, it's time to let him go and move forward. Keep yourself busy and do things that bring a smile to your face.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 4:26pm
sending hugs your way. I am sorry for how you are feeling. It will get better! Just hang in there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 9:11pm
GB2-

Oh girl, I am also am sending so many hugs your way. I feel your ache and know it's almost unbearable at times. One's dreams, desires, etc are now just a memory with MM. But like someone else said things will get better.

I know that sounds hum drum and the 'right' thing to say, but in time dear things will get better. Let yourself grieve, cry, get mad- just let it all out. I can tell you that it turns from rainy and dreary to partly cloudy to partly sunny to beautiful warm day in your heart.

<<>>

v.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:33pm
GB2,

I was in the same boat you were . Counting the days , even though I knew it was over.

Well he told me he couldn't be in 2 relationships , that it was too hard for him .

I was sad . kept trying to move on . Keeping busy but oh missing MM so much .

days , weeks went by . I would email him ( even though I shouldn't have ) no answer

A month went by , I sent another email ..............still no answer .

Another month went by I was still missing MM so I sent another email ............still no answer . Ok , so I should probably get the picture , I will never hear from him again.

Good things must come to an end .


They say time heals , but it just didn't heal this time .

Although I got tired of counting the days and keeping track of how much time has passed , I still missed him . Every date I went on ( I am single ) I still missed him .

I wondered do they ever come back ? Will I ever stop missing/thinking of him ?

This has never happened to me before . I have been with guys that I wanted so much but was able to forget and move on after a few months .


So here I am 4 months later ( of course it seems like forever ) telling myself I must forget , I must move on . it is over .......... and today I get an email from him he wants to meet . he wants to talk.

Not to get your hopes up , but it seems that at some point they always come back. They try to stay away to make things right at home. But when things aren't going right and they lack what made them have an A in the first place they come back .

I have now realized that if you decide to be involved in an A , you have to be ready for a roller coaster relationship.


When I saw MM's email my heart was pounding , I know I still miss him . Yes I will meet him. Maybe when I meet him in person I will feel different ( Yeah right )

I will enjoy the moment . This 4 month NC has made me see another side of A's . Don't expect much , just enjoy the moment and if I can't handle that , then it isn't a good idea to be involved with a MM .

I feel sad for you , I hurt for you . but just know your not alone , and there is always hope ;-)

ViperDiva

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:26am
Well said, Viperdiva. I agree that 'they try to stay away to make things right at home. But when things aren't going right and they lack what made them have an A in the first place they come back.' It sure describes my MM.

MM and I have gone on that rollercoaster so many times, I've lost count. But we haven't really had much more than a day or two of NC and we're right back in each others' arms. Still, it gets tiring and wears on you emotionally.

I keep thinking that if we can't break away from each other, then maybe we belong together. Then I remind myself of our complicated circumstances involving a spouse, kids, and a lifetime of history with our H/W, and realize how out of reach it all seems. He and I both wish we could have met first in life, but it didn't happen that way so we have to make the best of the situation.

Keep your chin up GB2, you may be pleasantly surprised yet....hugs to you, sweetie.

Virgogirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 1:20pm
Thank you all for the kind words and support. You don't know how wonderful it is to know there are people out there who understand!

I've been very tempted to email XMM, but he asked me not to contact him and I'm abiding by his wishes. Besides which, his W knows about us and is apparently watching him very closely. I wouldn't want to get him in trouble in any way, nor would I want to get her started emailing and calling me again. So if contact is ever made again, it will have to come from him.

XMM's last email to me was titled "This is good bye for a while", which to me suggests the possibility of future contact. But I can't spend the rest of my life looking for email and hoping for phone calls - that just prolongs the pain. So I'm trying hard to consider it completely over and move on with my life, work on my M, etc. I'm realizing, though, that this is a long, slow process. There are a couple other dates coming up (the anniversary of when we met, his birthday, etc.) that I know will be hard to get through. I'm sure you'll see whiny posts from me at those times.

In the meantime, I'll keep working on letting go. And I don't think I'll completely extinguish that little spark of hope. Instead I'll tuck it away some place safe. After all, you never know what might happen.

Thanks again everyone!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 2:12pm
My heart is pounding for you right now because as we all know entering into an EMA there is the chance of a broken heart.

You mentioned in your post that his wife knows about you and she's watching him. You have to put this into perspective then on his side... He may be wanting to call, email, or see you right now, but simply cannot due to the 3rd eye. My DH had an EMA first in our marriage, and after I found out about it he couldn't poop w/o me watching. lol. Give it time. She'll let up, and if he can and wants to he'll contact you.

For now you need to stay busy. Try hard as you can to keep your mind on other things, and if you have faith in a higher power- PRAY. Pray for strength to keep yor mind focused on each day as it comes.

You'll get there girl! One day at a time.

ox! jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 2:51pm
I feel for you. My OM broke up with me almost two months ago. If we didn't care about each other I think I could move on. The problem is that we are crazy about each other. He is a "do the right thing" kind of person. He only started the affair because he was bored with his sex life. I had the A because I lost a lot of weight and it was nice to know someone desired me. We didn't realize that we would fall in love. He has totally changed my life. He makes me feel beautiful. I am still trying to get him to be with me but so far he is holding his ground. He is so sweet about it. When I ask him to meet me he just keeps saying I can't. I can't live without him. I am miseable. I hope things work out for you. I am sorry that you are in pain. I can relate. It hurts so bad.

Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 3:15pm
Take it one day at a time. I know that sounds trite and cliche, but remember to live for yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:37pm
GB2,

Again, this is going to get old, but I don't know what to say.

I do know what you're going through. I don't have anything to say to make it easier.

I am going on, oh I don't know, 2 months, I refuse to count - and although my relationship with H has been great - I cannot get xMM out of my head. I think about him daily, hourly, minutely (is that even a word - LOL). That is the bad/good part.

It is so friggin' confusing.

And then, I feel guilt for my thoughts. I am suppose to be focusing on H, which I am to a point, but when xMM drifts in and out (more in than out) what am I to do!

I'm assuming that time will make things better. However, Vince Gill and Amy Grant went 5 years thinking about each other before actually ending up as a couple. It's stories like that, that make me wonder.

Okay, just rambling

You know I'm thinking about you (even when I have no sound advice)

Take care

Red

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