A sad realization

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
A sad realization
4
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 8:55pm
OK - me again.... tonight my MM and I saw each other at the arena. In fact, I asked if I could sit next to him. Other parents were sitting a little bit around us but I think it looked natural. We kidded alot but I think I came to the sad realization that we are friends and may be nothing more. Don't get me wrong- he flirted and we talked about getting together for lunch(he told me his thigh was cold- those of you who know my story understand what this means). I guess I can take this as a sign he's still interested. He joked about him coming with me on one of my biz trips too. However, we kid so much that I feel weird trying to be sexy/flirty. I don't know- it just felt 'nice' this evening. I still want something with this MM but I'm wondering if we are alas...destined to be friends. Which I guess is fine too. I'm not sure what to do next? I hate for the 'spark' to be gone. It's not with me but I wonder...

I'm feel empty and at loose ends with this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: vles64
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 7:37am
vles, don't get so discouraged. This is what I told you. It took me over a year to even kiss OM. We flirted and talked and all that A LOT!! I know it's killing you, but I urge you to be patient. The more you are with him, the more fun you have togther, the more you are on his mind. I can guarantee that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: vles64
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 8:30am
You have to understand that the fact that you are eager and ready to consummate whatever it is between you two doesn't mean that he is. His timeframe is obviously different from yours. He is clearly enjoying the flirting, the "hot" emailing, joking - he is enjoying the chase. Let him, and enjoy it too. If he is interested enough he will come around.

And one more thing and I hope you give it some serious thought. I've been following your posts and it's become very clear to me that you are not cut out for a strictly sexual affair. You tend to become emotionally invested before it even starts. Be honest with yourself. It's very possible that it's emotional closeness, not sexual, that you really crave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: vles64
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 9:42am
Boston, I wish I knew you 5 years ago. That advice would have applied to me perfectly. I couldn't see it in myself though. I was seeking emotional closeness but chose to do it through physical acts. Obviously it was completely unfulfilling to me. In fact, I felt bad about myself for doing what I did.

Now that I've recognized the problems in my M, I'm finally at peace with who I am. I have no desire to cheat sexually because I know that what I really seek is a truly connected relationship. And luckily for me, I have found that with my OW. I don't know that vles would be looking for anything to the level that I was, but it is worth thinking about. If nothing else, it should provide her some clarity in her life and regarding exactly what she wants out of this possible A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: vles64
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 10:54am
Your insight is amazing. I am looking for the emotional connection. I can't kid myself anymore. My marriage is dull, lifeless, sexless. I feel unloved; yet my H would do anything for me. I know whatever may happen, I will be hurt in the end. I have that realization well in hand. But at least I know that by feeling SOMETHING, I'm not totally dead inside.

As for my friend- I'm not looking for him to leave W and kids. And I don't think he ever would.

I'm not really the head-case I make myself out to be really. Thanks Bos. I do value and will heed your advice.