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| Fri, 07-23-2010 - 9:12am |
Well he's been OS for 10 days now. I know he is flat out, I know he has phone issues apparently and he sent me one text.
I am so annoyed/sad/squirrelly. I am trying to get it together and remind myself that these are squirrels and that its my big old monster rearing its anxiety-ridden head. But gosh Im sad.
I really dont know, the fun times are fun, and I have very strong feelings for him. But this whole thing just causes me so much stress. I just dont know if I can or should continue.
Im about to have this stupid operation and I soooo dont want to be sitting here day after day thinking and obsessing about him.
Gawd Im sad tonight- sorry guysx
You are what you consistently do

operation? hope just something minor... I have tons of anxiety also all the time and almost made a dr. appointment last week for depression pills but I don't want to go on them due to the side affects.
OS? does that mean out of state maybe? do you have much communication normally and do you initiate alot of it or does he?
I of course would love to tell you to dump him but I know how hard that is. When you are not ready it is impossible to end. Have you ever ended it before or has it always been him? if him, he knows he has super powers on you... I HATE THAT... I suppose you tried all the games such as ignoring him for awile?
Sending you {{hugs}} Iggy.
I am replying on my mobile phone so it's hard to write too much but I just wanted to say take care. I am coming up to his two weeks vacation and this is the very first time in 5 years I've been ok with it (so far) so I know how hard this is. I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel p'd off at him for so little contact. The question is - was it reasonable for him not to contact you. Ie: was he really so flat out, were the technical issues that bad? Have you contacted him? Can you call him? If not you may have no alternative but to wait and ASK him when he gets back. Tell him. Be who you are and tell him how you feel. You are only ever going to be able to do this without losing your sanity if you can find ground that you BOTH feel you can live with. He needs to see that.
You have a difficult personal time coming up and you need to take care of YOU - physically and emotionally. I do know however, that it's very hard to actually figure out how to do that when AP is so firmly set in your head.
Back later
(probably to edit this into something that makes sense)!
Bird
" I know those games are mean and I have done them with others in the past... but they work... and they come back begging...and its my revenge for the things they do to me...
But I don't know much about you and your AP so its hard for me to comment. I do all the wrong things anyways it seems..."
Reading this makes me sad as well. This has to hurt like hell if in reality you are doing non of it !
I would caution though to 'not' try it with someone who wouldnt take them or would take them to be serious and leave you.
I mean,how do you do it??
I feel sorry for you.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hi all,
Thanks for your support
In answer to a few questions. Dee he is in Europe at moment (Im in Aus), he is there for work/pleasure but very busy. He did say he would have trouble contacting me as he has a new IT set up- but when he went this time last year he managed to text most days.
We normally chat/text most weekdays and I have no doubt he has feelings for me (used to say we were meant for each other and that we had a future together) all before the big GUILT set in and he pulled back :(
But he sent atext today- again sweet and nice- but nothing overly romantic- just Hello My Princess, blah blah about trip. Huge hugs and kisses and hoping I am reaxed about Wed.
On Wed I have a hysterectomy and as Lou said probably a lot more worked up about it than I realise (and I already realise I am so maybe Im hugely stressing under the surface). Seeing as I just spent 20mins wondering if saying 'Hello MY Princess' rather than the last text 'Hello Princess' is a sign- Im thinking Im a tad stressed :)
I still feel flat- I feel like I am a tick on his to-do list somedays. Its more about keeping this going than actually living IN it like we used to. Ahhh sigh
Many ((((hugs)))) Iggy!
anotherseyes