sad today......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
sad today......
3
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 11:32pm
Today was a very long and drawn out day. MM's W had the baby today. He e-mailed me to let me know that he wouldn't be in work. I knew he took two weeks off from work so he could help W recuperate. Still, knowing that I won't see him for those two weeks is really bothering me. I went to take a nap before work, and literally cried myself to sleep. Then because I can't deal with some of the back stabbers at the job, I decided to call out tonight. Tomorrow I'll feel a little better, and be able to deal better with the situation. MM and I were at work on Sat. and were talking about our relationship. We started talking about how we ended up together. Honestly, it was for the sex in the beginning. It was supposed to be one night. One night turned into two and so on. It didn't even take long to fall in love with him. Now this is 4 1/2 years later. Sat. we were talking about how much we love one another, and I told him that I don't want him to end up resenting me. I also told him that I couldn't see us getting together as a actual couple until his kids were grown. MM told me he loves me, and that he can't imagine life without me. He wants to leave W, but I told him not to. "Not until the kids are older", I told him. I know another couple who were in the same boat. She left H, and divorced. She has two kids. They are both older, the youngest 12. He left W and only got a seperation. He's got three, all under eight. They moved in together, and lived together for almost 4 years. In the end, she kicked him out, and he went home to his W. Now shes a miserable person. MM and I both work with this couple. So I told him that I don't want to end up like them. I want to leave H. Am I crazy for wanting to wait for MM. I know that there is no guarentee that he'll leave W. But am I crazy for loving him so much, that I'm willing to wait for him? Even if it takes 20 years? I know how I feel, and it'll be worth the wait if things work out. But am I crazy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 11:54pm
Been there done that, feel for you so much. I was with a mm who's wife became pregnant during our A. I thought I'd die of heartbreak. I tried to cut it off with him, for obvious reasons, but I couldn't stay away. And when the baby came I tried to be supportive. I even sent the baby a gift. But I couldn't take it anymore and broke it off, I didn't see him leaving her with a new baby, so I thought I should let him be WITH his family 100%. When I told him this, he begged and pleaded. I told him not to leave, since at that point he was saying he'd leave right then and there. I told him not to, that I wouldn't be there. It was breaking my heart, but I thought that it was the right thing to do for all people involved. He followed me around, telling me how we were meant to be together and so on. And finally I gave in, but my first choice at least for me was the right one. My gut reactions was best for me. He ended up being not at all what I wanted in a man. I broke it off about a month later and that same day he went back to his W. I know that he doesn't want to be there, it's written all over both of their faces, but that's not my buisness anymore. I'm not telling you he isn't worth it and I don't really regret loving him, just those I hurt in the process. I don't know how things will turn out for the two of you. I know someone who also plans on waiting for their MM's kids to grow up, before he will leave. Could I do it? I don't think I have it in me, but who knows. Should you bother? Only you can tell if he's worth the waiting and the heartache. Because I'll tell you no matter what there will be lots of that, but I'm sure you already see that. So I send you hugs and wish you the best. Jdreamer96
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 5:13am
Dear ivy, Are you truly willing to sit back and waste precious time in your life waiting for something which may never happen? Honey, I've been in the same situation, and one day the thought occurred to me that he was reaping the benefits of having a family at home, me one the side, catering to his every whim, and I had NOTHING!

That's when I decided to end it. He used to say to me, "Oh, we can remain friends, until my kids are grown, and then we'll see what happens." That's b**l s**t! I may not be as young as I used to, and the "pickins are slim", but I'll be damned if I'm going to wait around for the next 15-20 years. Did I love him, yes, I thought I did, then I realized no one is worth it. If he truly loved you, he'd let go, tell you to go on with your life, and be happy.

I don't claim to have all of the answers, but I truly sense your pain, and want you to be happy and fulfilled. I just can't see that happening, waiting around, putting your life on hold. Best wishes. Lily
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 11:41am
Hey ladies....you know i have to agree with Lily. I see this all to often on this board and it really worries. A lot of women who sit around and wait for the mm to leave his w when really he has no intention of doing so.

One thing that a lot of us haven't realized is that everything with the mm/om are really great and heavenly, but if you were to start a household together, the excitement will wear off and the day to day pressure will come to play. The relationship will turn into one with problems, every relationship does have some degree of problems. The mm/om seems perfect, but live with them on a day to day basis and you could see a lot of what we don't see cuz of the circumstances. There are two sides to every story.

I am afraid to say this but it is true....a lot of the mm/om tell us women that they are unhappy in their m but you know what, a lot of them really are not and just say they are. They feel like they need to say this.

I think I may have gone off the subject at hand but, my advice, why do you want to wait so long for someone? Life is so incredibly short..live for the moment...live life now and don't wait 15-20 years...afterall....any one of us could be gone tomarrow.

My prayers to you....I know its only a matter of time before my mm is expecting his second child.

Sabrina