Same ol story I'm sure

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Same ol story I'm sure
5
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 2:44pm

I've lurked here for a while. I know the some of the stories here are similar to mine. Married young to a man who rescued me from a bad situation. But there was always "the one" in the background. Who actaully I lost touch with before I met my H. It was always the timing that was off for this guy and myself. So years later. My life -- kids, husband, "perfect life" -- well to everyone else. My kids are my world, my husband is involved in addictive dangerous behaviors, and my "perfect life" sucks.


After being reuinted with "the one" over 1.5 years ago, we casually chatted via email. Met once for lunch and absolutely nothing happened although I didn't tell my H we met. And we both went about our usual lives. BTW, he's never been married, has no kids. Then this past summer, the emails turned more emotional. Angry about the timing in our lives...angry that the feelings won't go away. We almost met again and decided to "let what happened...happen" But I chose the high road and decided it wasn't a path I wanted to go down. We mutually decided it was too dangerous keep in contact. We still exchanged the occassional "How are you?" emails. But now nothing since September. So I happened upon a site that had a picture of him. And I thought to myself, is this the only contact I'm going to have with him again? The only way I'll see him again? And I can't do it. I can't let him go. Now in the meantime, the problems in my marriage have gotten progressively worse...well either that, or I'm just tired of putting up the "happy family" routine. I never told SG the truth about the state of my marriage, it just wasn't a topic we discussed. So I decided to put it out there. Sent him an email yesterday telling him that I missed him. I wanted him in my life...blah blah blah...and now I sit and wait. Wait for the response. And scared of the response. If he says he wants me in his life too...I'm not letting go again. I've already lost so much time with him because of stupid choices. What sucks is, he's often out of town. So I don't know if he's gotten my email and ignoring it, or if he just hasn't gotten it yet. I don't want to seem obsessive LOL! or stalking...I want to email it to all the address I have for him not knowing which one he checks most frequently. But I'm not. I WILL USE SELF-CONTROL! So how long should I wait? A week? I can't imagine it'd take longer than that to check his email. And if I hear nothing...should I let it go again? I just don't think I can do that....


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 3:02pm
okay, haunted, first of all, calm down! SG is a man after all, and you've put the message out there that you want to hear from him and what will be, will be. now you have to give him some time to get the message, absorb it, process it. you just can't rush him or you'll push him away before you even have a chance to find out how he really feels about you.

you must back off for a week and see if he responds. if he does, take it from there - good or bad. if SG doesn't respond, DO NOT STALK HIM!! nothing turns a man off more than a woman chasing him down. men are the hunters, after all! the ball's in his court now and you just have to be patient and wait.

stay busy with your life, the kids, social occasions, christmas shopping, whatever. come here to post and vent.

as for your H and his progessive destructive behaviors, you have to decide if you want to put up the "perfect front" for everyone else and keep dying bit by bit inside. life is what you make it. if you stay with your H, for whatever reasons, you are keeping yourself chained to a bad situation that will only get worse and worse.

SO PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, DO NOT EMAIL SG AGAIN, at least until you hear back from him! keep your self-respect intact honey! i'm crossing my fingers for ya.

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 3:09pm

*deep breaths* Okay gurl..thanks..that's what I needed to hear. I will not email him again. I'll wait for his response. It will come...I'm sure of it. I just have to be patient. LOL! And I'm no stalker...I've just wasted so much time already.... That was me kicking my own butt! I'll be here...to vent...and whine....until I hear from him.


Thanks again


Haunted

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 3:24pm
Haunted...waiting sucks but you have to...you have said what you have to say to him, now wait for his reply. Dont get insane and stalk him, send multiple emails to multiple addresses...you know in your heart he will check it and if he doesnt reply at all IMHO he isnt worth the time you took to spill all of your emotions to him...have faith that he will atleast reply but as I always say, never ask questions you cant handle the answers to..

keep us posted *hugs*

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 3:32pm
whew, i thought i was gonna have to kick your butt, girl!! thank god you've come around. now get a glass of wine and relax, will ya!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 5:12pm
I can somewhat relate to your story, except that I'm not married and have no kids...

I would just sit back and wait for him to respond, but do not email him again...