Saw XAP Yesterday

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Saw XAP Yesterday
Fri, 08-31-2012 - 5:02pm

I saw XAP yesterday.  We both went to a football game---his child's team was playing my school's team.  It wasn't a surprise as we'd already discussed earlier in the week that we were both going.  I was kind of excited because I had my closest girl friend with me. She has always been sooo helpful and such a good listener about him, but she never met him before.  Of course, my urge to to go over to him and stick myself like glue to his side all night, but that would be bad.  I did see him as we passed his side of the field where he was, and that he appeared to be alone.  He started texting me and we were texting for about a half hour until it suddenly stopped, and then I noticed his W was suddenly there.  The body language between the two of them was obvious even across the width of the football field.  They sat 3 feet away from each other, never touched, and did not even appear to talk to each other.  She was noticeably tense looking. They stayed that way for about 20 minutes, then I saw them go off towards the concession area.  A few minutes later, he begins texting me again, and I noticed she was not there.  

He was mad because she had left the game.  When they had gone to the concession stand, they were in line with his ex-W's kids (his childrens' half-siblings from her new M) and their dad.  XAP bought the kids a lollipop, so his W was mad and left.  This sort of thing happened the last time I saw them both, too, at the 4th of July party.  I remember at the end of the night looking for his W to say goodbye to her, and his sister told me she had gotten mad about something he did, so she had gone home.  I was watching him across the field thinking, "Man, you are a dumba$$!"  She's obviously not happy, he can't be happy, it has to drive the kids nuts to have parents who are constantly sniping at each other or just plain avoiding being around each other.  Is a house really worth that?  A nice car?  A fat savings account?    

It was frustrating and somewhat insulting, too.  The good news is that I have moved forward enough where it bothered me, but not nearly the way it would have used to bother me.  Yesterday, it mostly just made me shake my head at how passive he is about the whole situation.   As much as I want to still jump his bones, I can't admire that in him.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 12:53am
JJ, I too will never understand people who don't stand up for their happiness either. It's one thing if everything is genuinely gd at hm i mean of course which couple does not have quarrels. But it is ridiculous when you see the kids sad, the husband and wife openly hostile & nobody does anything about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2009
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 8:43am
Who won the game? You did go to a football game, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 09-01-2012 - 10:18am
I can't imagine being in situations with AP & his SO. He raised her kids from a previous M and also has kids of his own from previous M, They're adults now & she still pits them against each other; making sure her kids have better than his. He stands up for them and then takes passive aggressive punishment over it. His remaining in an unhappy situation frustrates the heck out of me - even his kids have told him to leave. I'm glad your in a better place, but know it must still be so hard to witness that unhappiness and wonder "why?"