Saying Good Bye...moving to Endings Brd
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| Wed, 10-08-2003 - 8:17pm |
Well, we took a little business trip last month. He was there for a week before I got there... and when I was there we spent 2 blissful days and awesome nights together. I left and he returned about 4 days later. Things have been busy so time together was limited. We spent a night together out of town last week...and he was very emotional and very loving and attentive... not to mention the sex was incredible.
He left again for a week with his W for a business/pleasure/family visit trip out West. We didn't get to talk much . Well... imagine my surprise when I was going through some business things at his house.. and being the bad person I am :( I started looking through his computer - actually looking for some reason he was so bent on moving out of state. Well, I know his passwords to everything, since there had been no secrets between us...and I logged onto an email account I didnt know he had. It was filled with correspondence and chats with about 23 women in this state he is moving to...some were letters sent by him to "meet" that they never responded to... but there were at least 3 that make me believe he did hook up with them before I showed up there last month.
It killed me to find that out. I called him and basically said when he returns I want all of his personal belongings off of my property and we are finished - personally and professionally. He acted like he had no clue what I was talking about...until I mentioned the names of the women I found. Then he said nothing.
It breaks my heart and rips my soul apart. I guess I should have known. I feel like he not only cheated on his W but now he is cheating on us both. Yes, I have had evil thoughts of slipping this info to the W...since the reason he is making this move is so he can dump me and start out with some other OW there I guess.
The hurt of all of this is greater since I never asked him to leave his W, I never issued any ultimatims to him... I worry about him and in fact I had the H convinced to get an equity loan on our home to help the OM and his W out personally.
How low can I feel. I have put myself where I am in my life, all because I thought of HIM first ... I have been an awful W, and less than honest friend to his W, and right now I feel so hurt. I feel like a fool. I was angry, and now I am just numb. I guess I know I will always love him... I always have - warts and all, good with bad - but I feel like he betrayed the trust that was between us. I wasnt' about sex for me... but I think maybe I missed the signs and it was for him.
F4L

I am so sad for yuo.
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BIG HUGS
Sweettendencies
i'm sorry you had to find out that way, but obviously you had some inkling about or nagging thoughts about your MM or you wouldn't have checked up on him. and you did find out about his extra-cheating ways and dumped him. good for you!
now you are taking control of your life back, thinking about yourself and your M. work on that aspect of your life. try not to beat yourself up about the A. we all make mistakes and sometimes we trust the wrong people. that doesn't make you a "bad" person, just a trusting woman.
break your ties with that man and work on building up your self-esteem. with the passing of time, your hurt and anger will go away. good luck to you.
take care of YOU,
gurl
I know I would have NEVER predicted this would have happened. But, considering the very nature of a relationship that is based on deceit.. I guess I was just deluding myself into believing that this was *being in love* and *loving unconditionally*..when in reality.. Yes, I LOVED him more than I ever believed possible.. but it was always destined to end in hurt and betrayal.
I just pray that I can be strong enough to be committed to ending this...
Fool
I'm sure your experience is making several people today stop and think. I know it gave me a moment's pause (though I have full access to OM's computer and in fact was using it for the past couple of days - still, you never entirely know, do you? - after all, his emails to me don't look like anything more than friendship - though they do look different from all his emails to everyone else, and someone who knew about us would be able to tell that).
I wish you all the best in recovering from your hurt. Although it seems horrible now, hopefully there will be things you take from this experience that will make the rest of your life better in the future.
Can I ask a question without getting bombarded with hate responses? This is an honest question.
You sound smart, you sound like you understand what just happened to you. Yet, do you realize that what you are going thru is what your husband and his wife will go thru if they find out. So here you are devastated, but didn't really think about what it was/is doing to your spouse.
Please don't take this as a toungue lashing.
It's just real life hitting you in the face. I am resisting an affair and it was very hard at first. But, I did it and I've done it.
You can too. Good luck.
I was seperated when I met the OM, seperated, and living 2000 miles away from my H. I had NO plans to return to the M, but was waiting for the H to get some things straightened out and waiting to get myself more financially fit.
When the OM and I met, I believed him to be single as he is now repesenting himself to these other women. In fact he was with me so much - I had no reason to doubt him. Then he came clean with me, but said they were on the verge of Divorce ( which I know now to be a lie.)
At this point, of course I know how much hurt it would cause my H and his W. But by the same token - NOT knowing is just a hurtful isnt it? I certainly do not plan to find myself in another EMA, but his W, is ready to pull up stakes and make a move she does NOT want to make all on the false pretense that this is for "business"...the only business is his sexual needs to have a freaking harem.
Resist an EMA?? Its too late sweetie.. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
I am so so sorry for your pain you must be going through EMA or relationship, it hurts just as much when you get hurt, maybe even more because so many times you feel like ok I can maybe will not leave my wife/husband simply because it is MY LIFE I can not leave, my kids, finances. etc....but if what if would excist....you would be with MM or OM
or OW etc....at least this is what I , well is excuse the right word, my affair with
and his staying and not leaving home...then when all this comes crumbling down as nothing but a deceivement it is devestating...
I hope maybe you can work out your marriage....but I am so sorry that all possibilities of some sweet memories of the time spend together will be overcasted by a huge cloud of how he was so untruthful
and don;t feel bad, surely I at this point and others out there can at least understand how for a moment you thought abotu calling his wife....as I see thsi as a totally different reason so to speak at that moment..you wanted to warn her of the jerk she seems to have at home.sorry......Wishing you well....stay strong.....