saying goodbye seems harder lately.
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saying goodbye seems harder lately.
| Fri, 11-07-2008 - 4:25pm |
wether it be on the phone or messanger. i im my AP, then called, we talked for about an hour. we had things to do so we said goodbye, im on the weekend. i felt sad. then i went on line checked my checking, threw some trash out, and went into my pc room, there's an orange box on line. my AP im for no reason, he wanted to talk. we talked for 5 minutes then said our good byes. i cried, he seemed attached today more so then usual. he really had nothing to say, then he said bye for now. i told him i missed him. he didn't want to admit he needed to talk again. it's getting harder. i can tell he's hurting, god i know i am. thanks for letting me talk. he's never done things like that for no reason.

Hi Tori...
I understand your feelings and what you mean. I was going to post something similar until I saw this title. It seems as we grow closer to our AP's and more detached from reality, we want to be together all the time. I'm not sure life would be any better or worse with AP, but I have to guess that it might be better. I've been in love with him for 16 years. We just saw one another last night. We have so many similarities. We just have this passion that I have never had with H. And my H has admitted that we never had passion and he is OK with that. I am a deeply passionate person so it IS important.
I understand you situation all too well. Ours is a LDA. We don't get to see each other on a regular basis. Sometimes it's every month, every other month or the longest has been 5 months. Before yesterday, September was the last time I saw him, although we chat at least once a week, sometimes more. But back in September something happened. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but we crossed a bridge...in one evening we went from being very close and connected to closer than I have ever felt with anyone. It was like for the first time we could not get enough of expressing our love and sharing more with one another. Then we hit a bump...he is interested in someone else(closer) and I could not/can not handle it. We worked through it as much as possible. But last night, being together just clarified my love for him further. He SAYS that he is an emotional person and shows it, but he is more guarded than he realizes. But last night, I was looking at him and he didn't know it. He had this look on his face....it's a look that breaks my heart and makes me want to do whatever possible to make it go away. I asked him if he was OK. He said "it just keeps getting harder and harder to leave you". While I was touched, it also hurt too. Just knowing that we experienced this beautiful few hours of intimacy and it had to end.
Anyhow....tonight I feel your pain Tori...I am a little melancholy. The thing that I have to look forward to is that I will be seeing him several times this month which has never happened in over 2 years.