Scared and Ashamed
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| Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:37am |
Previously posted on EAS but unsure of where this fits.
I'm new here and was afraid to post for fear of the backlash I may receive. I've being having an affair with a MM for over four years now. We have a 18month old. The beginning of this year his wife found out. Threaten to leave but didn't, he decided to end the affair and work on his marriage.
Since then he has secretly been seeing me and my daughter (not sexual) she wants him to have nothing to do with us. He found out last month she too had an affair with a man over the last year or so and she has now decided because we have a child together (they do not) she would rather be with the other man.
He has moved out but has said he is not ready to start another relationship, he has to get his head together. I'm deeply in love with him, but I am afraid to think of being with him because I feel like when he made the choice to work on his marriage he didn't chose me and I would only be what he's settling for.
The wife called me last night, told me she wasn't angry with me, that their marriage failed long before I came along. She said she surprised how much he does for his daughter because she was under the impression he didn't want any kids and she couldn't have any. She said she has been telling him for the last few months he needs to be with his family and he knows it has been over between them.
why is he not running to us? He said he loves her and can only see her right now. Am I being a fool for waiting for him to love me? I want to move on but I can't. I feel stuck.

I can understand you being scared and ashamed.
I am curious on why you decided to have two children with him?
Seems like you are both in quite a predicament here. I agree with Mr. Golf you need to make the father legally responsible to protect the child. I am curious if your older daughters father is involved in her life~ you mentioned MM supports her.
This appears to be a bit of a long standing affair as he has been involved with you since your older daughter was eight months old.
I find it sad that it took his wife leaving the marriage for it to
dissolve. I think that is your answer right there. He has no right blaming you for the end result of his actions.
Part of me feels you both would be better off without him at this point. His coldness towards you shows a disconnect and I think you deserve better. Perhaps a time out would help--in any event I wish you strength and healthy children. Be well.