Scared and Confused and Wildly Attracted

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Scared and Confused and Wildly Attracted
4
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 1:36am

I met an older man (around 20 yrs older) through a mutual interest a few months ago--we see each other a few times a week. Conversation is wonderful and the sexual attraction seems obvious. I found out a few days ago he's married, but not really satisfied.

This goes against my morals and I've never even considered dating someone married before. I don't want anyone to find out, but I DO want to spend time with him and, yes, sleep with him. It hurts to admit that, but it's the truth.

We've just recently started emailing a few times, and we're going to see each other after our regular activity one night later in the week. I want to try to take this to the next step. I'm in such turmoil.

I would provide more details but need to remain anonymous. Please, any help and advice would be so very appreciated. Thanks.

Jana in Nebraska

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 3:41pm

It's simple. You have a choice. Become a tramp, or don't become a tramp. Do you want to be a two bit whore used for your young vag? Or do you want to find someone who is substantial and might actually give a carp about you.


You're probably a thrill for this guy, a young, pathetic, lonely girl who wants him, you can become invested in it but is it really worth it? I doubt it.


Dig your head out of the sand and think "I'm better than a whore", then maybe you can be better than the women on these boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 10:37am
Now ...now caledonia
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 5:37pm

Hi Jana,


I suggest you think very long and seriously about what you are about to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sat, 02-06-2010 - 1:46am

he is married, and he is not going anywhere. realize that now!


you are a supplement to his marriage. you might be the first or the third. some married men will want to spend intimate time kissing, hugging, petting and not have sex because they believe that is "cheating" even oral stuff some married men do not consider cheating.


if you chose to continue this scenario, you must be honest with yourself that he is not going to leave his family/wife, etc... for you. some of these "relationships" can continue for years, successfully with heartache and tears.


there is no crystal ball. but to expect to have a "perfect" outcome from a situation like this is irresponsibly unrational. ask him what he is looking for, what he thinks he wants, what having sex with you woyuld mean to him, and then be honest: ask yourself what having sex with him would mean to you. would it mean you expect to see him 3 to 4 times per week, and if he can't what will you accept?


you are putting yourself in a very difficult position, but i am sure you are not a dumb dumb either. i am not, and i have now been with my "partner" for almost 2 years.


good luck. be wise.


when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal