scared of the result

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
scared of the result
29
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 4:02am
MM took some time off from work cuz W got balls to come to my home.

She called more than she tried finding where i live. she had their two kids with them at midnight last week.

She left mean messages on my phone....called me names, said I was a loser. Was I wrong to call her sad, lonely, sexually deprived woman who is more pathetic than me because she was looking for her H at midnight at my house? She has a lot of time on her hands really.

She is always digging for answers to her questions that he won't answer.

They started counseling. I feel like he's going to change his mind. He says he hates her though. He says he can't stand to be in the same room with her let alone the same house. Girlfriend of mine asked me if MM was worth all the drama I have been through these last few months. He promised me love, He promised that he wouldn't hurt me. He says with or without me, he is leaving W. But would be happy if I was there. He doesn't go back on his promises. Not with me at least. There's a lot going on.....hoping that it will be all okay when he comes back. He calls me, tells me that I am his number one girl and that he loves me. Feels so good to hear him say that. He told me to have FAITH in US. I am scared of losing him. He says that he wants the opportinity that GOD has put before him and didn't want to go through the rest of his life saying "what if".

I guess I need to stay strong, but it's so hard. gonna spend my first weekend alone....DS is going to his dad's....MM gonna be with W and his mom, who is visiting. Promises to call.....Will wait and see. Thanks for listening. Opinions are very welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 12:32pm
Hey kitty - sorry to hear all the bad post - but your right noone knows the extent of your relationship with MM. And I agree alot of hypocrits your not the one thats married. I mean first of all I feel they are so concerned about their MM's W - why screw them. You know. I mean I guess you really cant say how ur going to react to you MM's W until it happens to you. I was nice to mine at first and tried to let MM go - but it did not happen...then she called and was stalking me - yes I was rude.

First of all in any right womans mind you do not bring your kids to stalk someone...thats just not right - kids should not be brought into it.

Now you said you were at the other end and you did not follow him - that says alot you accepted it and moved on. I mean I dont understand women why they would stay with a man they dont love or dont love them. If a man tells you I dont love you - its time to go.

I hope everything is going better for you and let me know whats up - y dont u email me if you dont want to post on here!! TXSandy_98@yahoo.com

Hugs - Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 2:56pm
Kittykat, in no way did I want you to think I was judging you or being two faced. I was just expressing my opinion and providing insight as to how the W may be feeling right now.

Txsandy is right about the kids, that was wrong for her to bring them and include them in all of what is going on.

I may be wrong here but I don't think that I or mommy or yogachic were being hypocritical just offering some insight.

We are all here for a variety of reasons, we are all in different relationships for whatever reasons but at times others can offer us a chance to look at things in a different perspective.

If you have found love, that is wonderful and unfortunately no matter what route anyone takes quite often someone will get hurt along the way. It's just that we should always keep that in mind, and I guess look at things from the hurt persons point of view. That is all I was trying to say.

I do wish you the best and hope all works out.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 1:10am
You know what, all you posters who just jumped on her back calling her unfeeling or whatever. You tell her that she only hears one side of it, so she should feel bad for his w, because her whole world is falling down around her. Also, wwwmommydotcom, you said that thing about txsands post, her MM leaving his W stranded in the street. He didn't leave her stranded, she obviously drove there. You guys tell these women that they don't know the other side of the story and that is true to some extent, but you guys also don't know the whole story either. How do you know that these W's aren't worthless mean nut cases? You don't, you don't know half of what probably went on with them and these W's. I understand the parts of thinking of the w's point of view, I'm sure that goes without saying. I've been on the end of a angry W verbal attack. I took it for so long and then I told her she was just a B**ch and hung up on her. You can only take so much and no matter how much you might feel bad for the W, there is a line where enough verbal attacks are just enough. I told W, that I hoped her M worked out, when she told me how "happy" they are now. I know for a fact from lots of people that she's full of it, but hey, let her tell her lies anyway she wants. She asked why I never called and said I was sorry. I said why, would you care if I was sorry, I would think it wouldn't mean anything coming from me. This was an A that happened a few years back, not the one I'm in now. I know, I'm an uncaring witch and my turn will come. I've thought of all that what goes around comes around. But you know what I've had my share of bull and out right unfair treatment. Anyhow, none of us know anything about each others situations and to jump to the conclusions that these women are unfeeling or that their MM are treating their W's like garbage is really funny to me. Because all of us on this board have one thing incommen, we are or were in a EMA. So sorry, but none of you care too much about these W's feelings as much as you try and make it seem, because if you did, you wouldn't be screwing these "poor" W's H's. I do feel bad that she probably doesn't deserve what's happening, but in all honesty if I felt bad enough I would leave MM alone, point blank. It really seems like more and more people just jump down each others throats on this board, so quick to judge everyone elses situations. It's so freaking easy to hand out advice to a situation you are not emotionally tied to. So easy to give advice, but how many of us take our own advice? I know I can read posts on here and think I know what the poster should do, but I can't even make myself do it, so why do I think they can or should? Anyhow, sorry I got so emotional about it, just you know pms and I get upset easy. I don't like to see people judged to easily and that's what it seemed to me was happening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 8:37am
I'm not going to defend myself (again), because based on your post and your misconceptions about what I (and the others) posted, you wouldn't understand me anyway.

No one 'jumped down' anyone's back. People DID give her opinions, respectfully, which she asked for (re-read the last line of the original post, which is "Opinions are very welcome").

YOUR opinion is duly noted. Now, let it die.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 12:28pm
Hey thx jdreamer I had not caught that comment she said about leaving W on the street - hell no she was not stranded she drove to my house. She apologized to MM and me afterwards but like he told her why are you apologizing you wanted to be there - you had intentions. She stayed quite.

And very ture I totally agree with your post. About people getting ugly and rude without asking all the questions and whats going on prior to just going at it.

AND LIKE I SAID BEFORE and YOU SAID- we are all in this board - having an affair - so yes dont come back saying you feel sorry for the W - cuz ur screwing the H. Thats just plain being a hypocrit (SP??)!!

Anyways thanks - and talk to you later.

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 12:54pm
Ok I have been biting my tongue with all this but if I read back I don't believe (although I could be wrong) that anyone has stated that they feel sorry for the W. It was simply said that one has to look at things from her perspective, that is all. Sure none of US know the whole story and its quite possible that she is a heartless biatch. I believe our opinions were asked and no one was harsh.

However it appears to me that when someone does not agree with ones opinion on this particular thread they choose to keep going and going and going. We were asked for our opinion, it was given, case closed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 1:27pm
Sweet,

Thank you. I have been trying to figure out why I'm being personally attacked for giving an honest opinion, after it was asked for.

There seem to be a few people who automatically get defensive when opinions differ from their own. There's not much anyone can do about that, except try to understand and sympathize why such people are that way. Which I'm trying to do.

Sandy didn't ask for my opinion, even though my opinion was completely misinterpreted by everyone who has attacked me. She merely agreed with the first poster. So I have edited my post to remove the reference to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 1:52pm
Hi all

Been watching this post too. I don't think anyone here has said anything that should be considered offensive. People are just giving their opinions, and asking people to look at these situations from different perspectives. (Yoga could've left out the "scaaary" remark -- but hey, that's Yoga!)

I don't see anything wrong with asking someone to consider the feelings of the W -- or think a little more about how MM's actions sometimes play a part in these situations.



JMHO

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 1:59pm
Mommy,

No thanks needed, the misunderstanding is going against all of us who offered a different perspective.

I find you often offer very good, sensible, and realistic advice and value your opinion and EVERYONES for that matter


Hugs

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 3:00pm
wwwmommy...

You did not have to edit your message - Everyone has the right to express how they feel. We come on here to get other point of views...and sometimes we agree and sometimes we dont.

But when you get right down ugly IM NOT REFERRING TO YOU or some on this post - just other post - thats just wrong. Yea opinions are welcomed but to call someone HEARTLESS or STUPID or something like that cant recall exact words thats just not cool....I mean there are other ways around it without getting ugly.

NO OFENSE TAKEN -

I mean sometimes it just seems from the posts that its actually the spouse who has been betrayed at times. You wonder if they are actually in an EMA.

Sandy