scared of the result
Find a Conversation
scared of the result
| Thu, 10-02-2003 - 4:02am |
MM took some time off from work cuz W got balls to come to my home.
She called more than she tried finding where i live. she had their two kids with them at midnight last week.
She left mean messages on my phone....called me names, said I was a loser. Was I wrong to call her sad, lonely, sexually deprived woman who is more pathetic than me because she was looking for her H at midnight at my house? She has a lot of time on her hands really.
She is always digging for answers to her questions that he won't answer.
They started counseling. I feel like he's going to change his mind. He says he hates her though. He says he can't stand to be in the same room with her let alone the same house. Girlfriend of mine asked me if MM was worth all the drama I have been through these last few months. He promised me love, He promised that he wouldn't hurt me. He says with or without me, he is leaving W. But would be happy if I was there. He doesn't go back on his promises. Not with me at least. There's a lot going on.....hoping that it will be all okay when he comes back. He calls me, tells me that I am his number one girl and that he loves me. Feels so good to hear him say that. He told me to have FAITH in US. I am scared of losing him. He says that he wants the opportinity that GOD has put before him and didn't want to go through the rest of his life saying "what if".
I guess I need to stay strong, but it's so hard. gonna spend my first weekend alone....DS is going to his dad's....MM gonna be with W and his mom, who is visiting. Promises to call.....Will wait and see. Thanks for listening. Opinions are very welcome.
She called more than she tried finding where i live. she had their two kids with them at midnight last week.
She left mean messages on my phone....called me names, said I was a loser. Was I wrong to call her sad, lonely, sexually deprived woman who is more pathetic than me because she was looking for her H at midnight at my house? She has a lot of time on her hands really.
She is always digging for answers to her questions that he won't answer.
They started counseling. I feel like he's going to change his mind. He says he hates her though. He says he can't stand to be in the same room with her let alone the same house. Girlfriend of mine asked me if MM was worth all the drama I have been through these last few months. He promised me love, He promised that he wouldn't hurt me. He says with or without me, he is leaving W. But would be happy if I was there. He doesn't go back on his promises. Not with me at least. There's a lot going on.....hoping that it will be all okay when he comes back. He calls me, tells me that I am his number one girl and that he loves me. Feels so good to hear him say that. He told me to have FAITH in US. I am scared of losing him. He says that he wants the opportinity that GOD has put before him and didn't want to go through the rest of his life saying "what if".
I guess I need to stay strong, but it's so hard. gonna spend my first weekend alone....DS is going to his dad's....MM gonna be with W and his mom, who is visiting. Promises to call.....Will wait and see. Thanks for listening. Opinions are very welcome.

Pages
Anyway, it's over and done, and thanks for your apology, no offense taken, and I hope we all can continue to freely express our opinions, in a responsible way. Thank you.
what i want to know is, when the A/EMA is found out, why isn't the H blamed? why is the OW/MW blamed for "breaking up the marriage"? i've never understood why the OW gets all the abuse heaped on her.
yes, i've been on both sides of an A and it seriously hurts when the sh_t hits the fan. but i blamed my H, not the OW, because he was unhappy with me and reached out to her and she comforted him and one thing led to another and they slept together. but they also bonded emotionally -- something my H withheld from me.
and now i'm the OW, and i try really hard to keep my two lives separate, in my head and heart. MM and i both work very hard to keep our primary Rs on even keels so everyone is happy.
but i still want to know why the OW gets the blame??
gurl.
But I think a lot of woman just want to convince themselves that there wasn't a problem, I now realize it takes two to cause problems in a relationship, but many don't think that way and they would rather blame someone else for their problems than look at their life through a magnifine glass.
Just my thoughts
Sweet
i was angry at my H because we were trying to conceive a child -- we discussed it for months and i just went off the pill after 8 years and was scared to death underneath it all. and we were driving to celebrate OW's child's first birthday (OW and her H were friends of ours, living about 3 hours away). i knew there were problems in our M -- H didn't want to have sex very much and was very withdrawn. i tried and tried to get him to talk to me about his feelings. i thought maybe i was pushing him into starting a family, but HE wanted me to go off the pill. we'd been married 4 years, together for 9 years and he said "let's do it." but then backed off and you know it's hard to get pregnant if you're not having sex!! we arrived at their house and OW and H were on the porch waiting for us. OW had told her H about the A and my H was supposed to have told me BEFORE we arrived, but didn't. so i was hit with the whole story just getting out of the car! i was stranded there -- i didn't have my driver's license yet -- and we were 3 hours from home.
lots of recriminations, crying, talking, long walks alone and two days later, H and i decided to stay together, work on our marriage. i talked to OW (my friend) about what she was attracted to in my H and she told me he was in such pain and emotional upset about our M and they talked and talked about what to do. also, her M was rocky at that point too. i was so upset that she knew so much more about my H than i did. and i felt powerless to change the basic situation -- he would not talk to me about his feelings.
H and i stayed together (i was already 4 weeks PG when the A came to light, but didn't know it) and had 3 children and 12 more years of M. and we NEVER once discussed why he sought out OW for solace instead of telling me how he felt. AND after about 5 years, OW contacted me to let me know she and H were divorcing. she and i reconnected and remain friends to this day! she and my now xH have not spoken since their breakup.
i always try to take responsibility for my part of any situation gone bad. i take responsibility now for the A because i'm in it. it started for several reasons on both of MM and my sides, some of which have been resolved (under pressure!) and some of which have not. but MM and i have moved way past fwb and are very deeply involved. i know everything he feels and thinks about, as well as what is going on in his W (my friend!) mind. she and i talk constantly. MM tells me things that are happening in their life, as i do with him about mine and BF, and it makes it easier for me to lead his W into conversation about a specific issue/situation.
anyway, in my secret heart, i'm hoping that somehow the A will resolve itself without anyone getting hurt, but realistically someone will always be hurt -- probably me!
take care,
gurl
I think its great that you have reconciled with her. I know the woman my H was involved with, but not well. Which I think is a good thing, because to be honest I could not be as good and forgiving as you are. Sure I don't blame her, but she would be a reminder. One night H took me bowling, then two weeks later I found out about the affair. I was so hurt to find out that she was the shoe girl there, and he was watching her while we there and she was watching him. He had never ever gone bowling, and to this day we drive by a bowling alley and GRRRRR.
When H realized I knew he cried, and then talked to me. This all happened 2 months before our Marriage was to take place. I cancelled it. He was heart broken, but what could he expect. Then I realized that for 3 years I had put him through so much. I had ended my first marriage which was a horror story and found out that my ex had molested our daughter. With court and taking care of her and getting into counseling I forgot to take care of myself. I had so much guilt that I guess I became a robot. He saw it and tried to help me but I was unreachable. So now, I can see why it all happened, but at first I was sooo torn that he couldn't come to tell me and that there friendship began on a site for husbands wanting to help their wives and that he talked about me.
Now it hurts to know that I am doing the same to him, but one can only try so much to make the other person realize there are pieces missing. We have a great marriage, but his priorities are different as mine as well as his passions. So I deal, and do the best I can and should he ever find out, well I know how he will feel and I feel terrible for that.
MM and I both respect eachothers lives outside of the affair, which is great! And sure I won't lie that sometimes I find myself wondering what it would be like to share a life with MM, but to do that like you said I would be causing pain to others, and thats something I am going to do my best to avoid, but as MM says, never say never.
Sweettendencies
xH's OW is my friend, so is her xH. i stay in communication with both of them. just went to their second daughter's wedding this past summer and spent the evening with OW's family. i was very close to them in the past and we had a great time together. xH wasn't invited.
i've been through something similar with the abuse -- my father abused my daughter when she was 10. when i found out, it brought back all the abuse me and my sisters endured growing up. i never left my girls with him alone. this was a one-day emergency because my daycare disappeared overnight because of a criminal situation with her BF and my mom offered to take the girls the next day while i went to my new job. i found new daycare starting the day after, but when my mom was upstairs, he molested my daughter. talk about predators waiting for an opportunity! it was only 30 minutes or less. i confronted him, made him confess, prosecuted him and he signed a confession so my daughter wouldn't have to testify in court. plus i brought up all the stuff i grew up with which of course he denied. but there were three of us girls in that house. it was way worse for my older sisters than me, but when he tried to get to me one night, i barricaded myself in my room and was never alone at night after that. i was 13! moved out when i was 16, on my own, and married my H at 18. so i've lived my emotional life in a robotic way too!
i have lots of trust issues with men. between my father, my xH and now BF, (and other BFs -- been divorced for 16 years), i've always said no more marriage for me and i mean it. no one will have control over me again. MM already has more control than he knows and i'm very leery about it. but i feel safer because he's married and really cannot (and does not) control how i live my life. but like you i do think about what our life (MM and me) together might be like. i don't think there's a chance in heck of it actually happening, but as MM says, never say never!
i've had lots of therapy, individual, family, you name it. maybe i need more!
gurl
Pages