Scared...starting a real relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Scared...starting a real relationship
4
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 11:30am

I haven't posted for quite a while, so here's a little background. Been with AP for 1 year and 9 months now. I divorced a little over a year ago and AP is still married.

We are ready (finally) to give this a try in real life. AP will be telling his W this weekend that he wants out of the marriage. AP is 49 and I am 33. He has 2 children ages 12 and 16.

My stomach is in knots. We are still trying to work out the logistics. I have a 10 year old that I share custody of with XH so AP can't move right in with me. He has quite a bit of debt right now and we are frantically trying to figure out how he can afford a place of his own. My daughter and his daughter use to be good friends but now don't spend much time together (grown apart) so everyone knows one another. This is all the more reason we can't just move in together right away.

UGH...this is suppose to be one of the happiest times in my life. I feel stressed and a lot of guilt. AP is so stressed. He knows his W is going to go ballistic when he tells her. He is afraid she will turn his kids against him and is REALLY afraid he can't financially handle things. Surprisingly enough, he says he's ready and wants to be with me. He said he will never again get another chance to be with someone he really loves and has no intention of backing down.

I know no one can help me with how I am feeling, but I am open to any advice.

Thanks for letting me talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 11:44am

Hang in there and COMMUNICATE your feelings

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 12:26pm
Your AP is going to 'tell' his W about wanting D,he is not signing the final papers.Relax,dolly!many things are going to follow this declaration.Your AP's W may not agree,will use kids,use the A against him,there are soo many issues.Your AP might even back off from wanting a D if things are not so bad at home.
Take a chill-pill ( in a good sense of the word)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 12:47pm

Hi there -


Just wanted to let you know that Funky is right - this is only the beginning of the process - and you have a long road ahead of you sweetie.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 10:03pm
Hugs and good luck. Please keep us posted!

MASAlterego


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