Scratching the itch?
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| Tue, 10-14-2008 - 12:59pm |
I posted here about a month ago regarding a situation where I was being tempted to start an A w/ my H's best friend. I knew then that he was also very interested, and at the time I was asking for help avoiding the situation. You all came through big time then and I thank you very much.
But things have changed a little since then. We've talked about it some more, and as the days go by, it seems like it's going to be inevitable. Potential AP and his wife have an open arrangement and she is aware of his interest in me and isn't standing in his way. He thinks if we just "scratch the itch" and put it behind us, it won't be a thing anymore. I really think that if we do it once we'll do it again, and it will keep on happening. I don't really know what to do, but I can't put it out of my mind. We go on vacation with them a lot and I don't even know WHAT will happen next time we do that.
Does an A always mean the end of life as you know it?

I've been the OW a bunch of times before (when I was single) and those times, I felt like I had no control. The MM held all the cards in those situations (IMO). This time I still really feel like I'm the one in control. As long as I continue to find ways to avoid escalating my temptation to a PA, I am not in a situation that I can't just put an end to at any time.
But . . . I know you're very right that turning this little flirtation into a PA would put me in a situation that I can't just put an end to at any time. Ugh. I guess that's the real answer and I just don't want to hear it; there's no way to "scratch the itch" and leave it at that.
You're heading into very hot water. Somebody, possibly many people are going to get hurt. Do you really think that you can do it once and that will be it? If you're both attracted to each other, I seriously doubt it. And as both families are heavily involved, I can see this becoming one huge mess.
You need to seriously look ahead and see the other possibilities, other than the pleasurable ones. Because there are lots of other, very real outcomes that could happen here. Are you prepared to break up your friendships and M for a few hours of passion? Look ahead a month, six months, twelve months and see what could happen. What if one of you falls in love? Or both? What happens then?
Stop and think ahead before you make any decisions based on a few minutes of feeling good.
Pisces