Screwed up something good

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Screwed up something good
10
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 11:18pm

Well I did it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 11:51pm

Breathe, relax. It will be OK. I think many of us have sent those kinds of emails at one time or another. If you and AP are OK together, he'll cope and he's got the weekend to think about how he wants to react. Don't worry if you don't hear from him for an extra day or two, he'll probably be processing. It seems to take guys a while sometimes. There is nothing wrong with admitting how you feel in your A. You are part of it and have the right to own your own feelings.

Pisces

pisces
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 12:27pm

You won't really know if you said "too much" till you hear from him! LOL!

Relax, my guess is that it's fine, and it will open up a new discussion. If all he wanted was a f*ckbuddy, you'll find out now, and if that's not what you wanted then an ending at this point would be a good thing. It's better that he knows your feelings and the two of you can work out what you need to work out.

An affair is like any R in many ways - feelings develop and people have to decide what to do with them and where to go with them.

Keep us updated - I'm betting this will end up being a good thing for you.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 4:27pm

I have had an email response from him in my inbox since around lunch today.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 5:42pm

Let us know hon - we are hangin on the edge with you.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 9:04pm
edit


Edited 9/22/2008 5:38 pm ET by toolittle2late
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 10:45pm

Well I have read and re-read and still don't know what I think.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2008
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 12:14am
e


Edited 9/23/2008 2:11 pm ET by toolittle2late
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 7:47am

Well, I think your being honest with him has been a good thing. He absolutely understood what you were asking, and he has said he would love to give you "more" if he could - but both of you have to remember the limitations.

In your mind, doing something more "real" like going for a hike or a movie etc. would show you that he thinks about you as more than an occasional sex partner. But those things are dangerous - you could run into people you know, or even be seen from a distance where you wouldn't even be aware that you were "caught". Spending more time together, even occasionally, could raise red flags that you want to keep away. Is there any other way that you could feel more "special" to him, without risking more than you're risking? Do you have sex every time you see each other? Maybe making some of the "dates" you have be all talking and cuddling, no sex, would help you feel you're more "special" to him? Maybe an occasional card or little gift (card you could throw away after, little gift must be something you could have bought yourself) would help you. I don't know. Only you know what it is you want.

Yes an A has limitations that you have to recognize, and sometimes that realization is disheartening. If it's going to be too much to bear then maybe you're not cut out for it all.

But it sounds like you've got a really great guy who understands where you're coming from, isn't blowing you off saying "What do you expect, this is an affair??" And he'd probably love to find a way to make you happy if he could, within the limitations...

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 11:26am

You are completely right about me looking for ways to feel like more than just a sex partner.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 7:53pm

One more update because it totally caught me off guard and I had to share some good news.