Seeing AP with Wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Seeing AP with Wife
8
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 8:17am
I hate to see my AP with his wife and he hates seeing me with my hubby. Hubby followed me to a social scene over the weekend where AP was going to be as well. Ap didn't know hubby was coming with me, and the look on ap's face when we showed up was one of shock and surprise. He sat there looking lost until my hubby started a conversation with him, then ap relaxed, and seemed a lot more comfortable in our presence.
I can't help but feel like my hubby totally imposed on mine and my ap's time together. I also felt like my hubby was nothing but a "tag-a-long" that evening. we didn't even hang together or anything. I thought for sure he was going to say something about ap...and the way ap kept sitting next to me, coming over to me, nothing inappropriate, tho.
This is totally different than if i saw ap with his wife. Her and i hate each other and would never even think of speaking civilly to one another. I guess if i liked the way she treated him, i wouldn't have gotten involved with him at all. Nor him with me. And ap and i dont talk much at all when she is out with him. But we do talk when i am out with my hubby. It's so different now than it was 3 years ago...we all used to get together and socialize, until we found out how much me and AP have in common and the deeper friendship erupted from there, with my life never to be the same again. And the four of us have never been together again. I think my life was simpler back then, but i am a lot happier on the inside now. Even through the confusion. I know i can't stand seeing him out in public with her. Mainly cuz she treats him like he's her servant, not her best friend.
How do you deal when you see your AP out with their spouse? Do you talk to each other?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 8:41am

I cannot say I was ever close to being in your shoes, APs family and my family never knew the other existed.


I did see AP with wife one night at a bar, I was out with gals from work and did not know I would ever run into them where we were. Anyhow, we acknowledged one another's presence with an all knowing smile, and each time he went to the bar, he would kick my chair. One GF asked if I knew this guy and I said "no, he must be pretty hammered tho, he keeps tripping over my chair".

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 10:20am

I have never seen my AP with his W and im sure it would just devestate me.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 2:30pm
I HATE IT !! I have seen them a handful of times.Even tho my AP and his W were not at all lovey dovey but it just killed me.Once it was a office party and she came sooo sexily dressed up that i was boiling with rage.BUT HIS eyes were on me.never did he hold her or kiss her ( she is trying to rebuild after D-day).We both stole a moment and we kissed and my AP told me i looked beautiful ( i am insecure about my looks.I am younger than his W but have a lot of fat around me).
I HATE IT.His W is trying hard to rebuild but i dont believe they can as my AP and I are in contact even after D-day and what i read here is that you cant rebuild w/o complete NC.My AP doesnt know this and honestly ( no slashing please !!) i dont want him to know this basic but very important thing required in rebuilding.
I HATE IT.i feel good in knowing that they have no sex life and no life outside as well even tho his W is trying to rebuild.
I love him and dont want to lose him.sorry i rambled but i hate it that my AP is still living with her under the same roof.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 04-20-2009 - 8:31pm

I have not seen mine together but they live in different states due to personal choices.

I have met people that know her and that tends to be odd and yet nice in away as they were uncomfortable with her. She is beautiful I have seen pictures, but she lacks the ability I think to be welcoming to people. It does not make her a bad person just not really friendly or open to such things as new friends. She is more of a social butterfly from what I learned .

Which is fine as its in another state and does not include AP. But sometimes when I think about it..I am average not beautiful in social standards... A bit cute and scruffy LOL.

But I know I am in my own way an awesome person. And perhaps because I truly like me it does not matter as much other then the human natured thought of...okay she is pretty .ButI learned the hard way beauty is indeed only an illusion..and its what inside that shines longer and brighter then any movie star looks.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 7:54am
It's going on two years now. And yeah, his W did/ still does suspect something, but she can't prove it. I know i was really ticked off she let him drive like he did when he was dead tired last weekend. I can't believe someone would have so little concern for the safety of their spouse. She knew he had only 3 hours of sleep the nite before, and she kept him up all day, not letting him take a nap. I was pretty worried when i saw him driving away that nite with his van lites off. He had to stay out til 2am at a gig to make money. He's been laid off for 5 mos now and he doesn't have much choice at the moment for employment. His wife hates his music, she hates the music scene we are into, and my hubby does too. It's like they dont get it, and they don't want to understand it, either. That's fine, but don't criticize us for liking certain music. My ap and i get that ALL the time from our spouses. No respect for our choices. No understanding of why we feel like we do about our music. And worst of all, No feeling of love from our spouse when it comes to playing music, which is something me and AP follow our hearts desire on. We LOVE to play, theres never getting enough of it, much to the dismay of our spouse. I really think our spouses dont like the attention it brings on us. We are THAT good together, as musicians. People can feel the sparks between us on stage. I have heard too many compliments like that over the years, and never paid much attention to it till the past three years. Thats when i realized, Hey, i think i like him...Casual conversation for the next year left me and ap vulnerable to wanting more from each other. So, for the last two years, him and i have become inseparable on stage, and as friends, altho the emailing is no longer a dominant feature of us anymore, but getting together is. And unfortunately, sometimes our spouse wants to tag a long. Thats fine, cuz its better to let them do that, than to hear about it the next day how they felt unwanted, had to stay home, etc. etc...
Sometimes life can be so complicated yet wonderful too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2009
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 11:12am
Gosh no! I havent seen my other man with his wifey and have no desire to.Period.I dont like his wifey as she is not treating him good.I love my other man.He is so kind and adorable but she abuses him emotionally,a lot.She uses the children ( grown ,nearly adults ) and drains him out completely.
I dont want to see his wifey.My other man has seen my hubby and obviously ,he doent like him.who would?we both are madly in love with each other and just waiting to take the final leap for a night together.
If i ever bump into them ,as a wifey and hubby, i would go crazy.Gosh, i should have thought about this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 2:56pm
Not only have i seen a/p with his wife. We socialise almost weekly together. Yes it is hard but the alternative of not seeing him at all would be even worse for me. His wife and I were friends prior to the A and have stayed friends for the 3yrs of the a.
Wicked Web Woven
Wicked Web Woven
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 8:00am

i have seen AP with his wife on occassion.