Seems like both my M and my A is falling apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Seems like both my M and my A is falling apart
2
Wed, 06-06-2012 - 11:43am

My husband hasn't been the attentive person that I've needed this past year and a half, hence the reason I turned to the A.  But last night was the last straw for me and my H, he quit a second job he had because it was too stressful for him.  It was only for 6 more weeks until we got back on our feet.  To me it seems like he thought more of himself than he did of me and the kids.  I told him I wanted a seperation and told him to leave.  He came back late last night because he had no where else to go but I slept on the couch and didn't have anything to say to him this morning. 

My A found out about this yesterday too, and for the last week or two he's been pretty much ignoring my text and/or calls.  Yesterday he acted kinda distant from me and like he was upset.  So today I texted him a simple hey whats up and he didn't answer.  So I sent him another text asking if we were going through this again with the texting and calling and him ignorning it.  Because if we were than I'd stop and really wouldn't care anymore.  He said that we needed to stop texting right now until it calms down.  I asked him if it was just texting or all and he said texting. 

I now feel like neither one of these guys are giving me what i need.  Bad thing is I'm more worried about it from my A than I am about it from my H. 

There are so many factors and reasons why A is acting like this and sometimes I forget to factor those all in.  But my H has no excuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Well I think for his part he's playing neutral so that H doesn't get pissed off and tell the W about the past A. I can completely understand that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 06-11-2012 - 2:00am

It seems like there is a pretty big double standard about what is acceptable behavior.  It sounds like AP can get away with having no obligations to you if they don't suit him, but your H is in the doghouse for quitting a second job, which I think most people would agree would be really stressful.  I think maybe if you could balance it a little better between the two men...expect more of AP and extend some of the tolerance you have for AP towards your husband, you would be happier in both Rs.