Self-impossed Rules AP Broke

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
Self-impossed Rules AP Broke
4
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 8:25pm

Ap has always made a point of staying present in the life that he has, meaning that when he is with me, he doesn't answer the phone, check emails but instead makes a point of giving me his full attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 9:57pm
?kittery, why are you afraid his feelings for you will grow? Are you afraid, if he falls, he will want you forever & always and you know long term he won't fulfill your needs?

I wonder if your AP has sensed the peace you have found in your relationship with him and that is drawing him in? Or perhaps with the peace you have found he fears you will slip away?

My X-AP use to drive me crazy sometimes. He was such a busy man, but then there was times when the contact was constant and readily available. I would get use to it and then boom his real life would take over and I was left feeling like I was outside looking in. Those were the times I found it hard to cope.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 10:35pm

Good questions Sunny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 10:51pm

You know, I just came back from Miami and sitting in a cuban restaurant, I met this 83 year old man. Me and my friend talked with him for hours. We talked about infidelity among other things and one of the things he said was that people just complicate their lives too much. That emotions are beautiful and that we just have to go with the flow (of course he cheated on his late wife eventhoug he loved and respected her lol). I guess at his age, he has a different perspective on life than us.

Me and my AP don't really have boundaries, I adapted to the situation as the things progressed. And I guess so did he. It's not easy, but I think that I'm in a pretty good place right now where I have him as an addition to my life and not the center of it. He's still giving me a lot of attention for someone who has a wife (not working, i.e. always present) at home and 4 kids and I really appreciate that.

You can't control your AP's feelings. He's an adult and if he's a therapist, he should be better at controlling himself than the rest of us. I think that you should just enjoy and not complicate yourself with how many people should be lovesick in an A. I'm actually pretty selfish, if I didn't feel that his feelings were as strong as mine, I wouldn't be with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 10:14am
?kittery, just keep being true to you. I agree affairs are a dangerous place to tread when you let your dreams take over. You have drive and ambition, but you are also very realistic. Those things will help keep you on an even keel. Again be true to yourself, you can't control what AP does or feels, you can only be honest with yourself and in turn with him. Enjoy what you have for as long as it is good, this is your journey make it a good one! I know that you fully understand AP is an addition to your life, not your whole life. You are an amazing woman. Hugs!!
~Sunny~