Self Worth

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Self Worth
16
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:29pm
When I got married, I was a bright, confident, full of life girl who had (still has) a good head on her shoulders. During the course of my marriage, the verbal abuse I endured caused me to change from the person I was to someone completely different. I wasn't as self-confident and questioned my own decisions...I just didn't feel like I was the person I should have been. I had been contemplating D for quite a while...months...maybe even the past couple of years. Last Fall, MM came along. He is a great listener, friend, confidant, lover, everything I need and deserve for myself. With my MM I am able to be the person I used to be and can continue to be.

I've come to the mindset that regardless of how the R between MM and I play out, he has given me a valuable gift...myself back. I know that there are men out there who can love me and cherish me and treat me in such a wonderful way....I am worthy of good things to happen. I am a young (well, somewhat young, 35) woman, fairly attractive, with a bright and wonderful future ahead of myself...for me and my children. I love my MM with all my heart and soul, but if things don't work out, I know that eventually things will work out for me. As my MM so eloquently put it...."most men are not like what you are used to" (meaning like my H). I'm holding on to that tightly and I'm not letting go.

I'm not giving up on my R with MM....just playing it safe. I never want our R to end, but, then again, I didn't get married thinking that R would end, too.

I love you...my MM....and I thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:38pm
You are welcome, hon. *wink*

Seriously though, I can see myself in your post a lot. I see myself becoming the person I wasn't before I got married. I see the glimpses of her now and then. Yes, I too thank OM to let me be as myself - silly, goofy, affectionate girl that replaced by serious, grave and sad person from all that ups and down in my marriage. I hope to be joining your soon- to-be-single status soon. YAAY for us, NRY.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 12:40pm
Good for you!

I think a lot of us felt this way, that who were ended up getting pushed aside for someone else, because of new obligations, or whatever. It's so nice to have someone like us for who were are, especially when it lets us get back to liking ourselves as well.


I completely agree with you. I don't know if OW and I will work out, but most important is that I've found I can be me -- 100%, not some adjusted, acceptable me -- and be completely loved and adored. Pretty good feeling, isn't it?


It really sounds like you are putting it all together. It was really nice to read your post.

rain

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:33pm
Hi Rain and Juliet, I too agree with you about the enjoyment of reading the post from NRY. I'm not certain if my MM has anything to do with my decision to go forward with Divorcing my H but I do know that I have found the funny, loving, and self confident woman that I once was. My H told me one time that my independence and feistiness is what attracted him to me (oh and my huge knockers and blue eyes, teeheehee:)I have come to realize that over the years of my M that I have allowed him to beat me down and control me. I refuse to take it anymore. I think that NRY and I are riding in the same boat right now, the seas will calm soon. I'm not backing down on this one, I've threatened it before but this time is different. Someone ask me the other day if I was having second thoughts. I realized last Saturday that I was and then I realized that the reason I was, because he was gone all day. The moment he walked in the door and opened his mouth those second thoughts went right out the door which is where he'll be going within the next 30 days:)Isn't that strange how these things work out? Anyway, thanks again NRY and Good luck! God it feels good to find oneself again! I've missed me:):) I am woman, hear me ROAR! NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:39pm
I am going to get back the person I was...and start enjoying life again. I WILL end up with someone who is kind, wonderful, sweet, and above all....loves me and treats me well. Now, if I could just convince MM.....haha This is just a roller coaster ride....the ups are great and the downs...they're downright scary.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 1:56pm
I totally agree and relate to this post. With MM I was me - 100%

I was not the person that I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

With that, MM provided my with the confidence to show my true colours outside of our R.

You should see some of the reactions I'm getting now from my H, friends and family. My H has often said recently "Who are you, and where is my wife?" My mom and dad are floored by some of the things that come out of my mouth. My girlfriend has said "I've never seen you act like this before", and my kids are speachless at times.

Anyway, in all the discussions around our house lately, my H says he didn't realize that we had problems and thought we have a great relationship. My response, "Geez, for a couple that has such a great relationship, there is certainly a lot we don't know about each other"

I guess that's what the next while will be all about. Finding out who we are now - 100%. Hopefully, we like each other. LOL

Thanks for the great post.

Red


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:10pm
Awww, you guys got me all teary-eyed and mushed up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
In reply to: noregretsyet
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 4:28pm
hi nry and you do sound like you're on the road to finding your true self-worth. good for you!! keep to the journey honey, and you'll find out who you are and what you are capable of when there's only you to contend with (and the kids, of course!) seek your own truth, girl. you'll be happy you did.

best of luck on your new life's course!! i hope you get your heart's desire whether that with your MM or not. make your life what you want it to be.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: noregretsyet
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:01am
Wow. I don't know how I missed this topic. I too lost sight of who I was or at least who I was capable of becoming. It wasn't because I married young, but because I married for the wrong reasons to the wrong person. I tried for years to convince myself that I was living in a shell because it was what I wanted. I have now realized that my W, without meaning to, has really knocked the confidence out of me. I used to be fun and full of curiosity. Then I lost all interest in anything outside my little universe. I know I'm responsible for my own happiness and I should have just stood up and done what I wanted and what I believed was best for me. But I was always the one to just go with the flow. Get along at all costs. And it cost me myself.

IS has taught me so many things. But most of all, she taught me that it is okay to be who I am. In fact, she loves me for who I am. I never thought I would be lucky enough to find someone who so truly loves the real me with all my faults and mistakes. I now have more self-confidence than I ever have in my entire life. I find myself succeeding at work and making new friends. I wake up each morning invigorated. I am eternally grateful to IS for helping me to see that I am worthwhile and I do have so much to offer. I only hope I can pay her back by helping her to see the incredible person she is. I plan to spend my life doing just that. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: noregretsyet
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:24pm
bumping for switch woman if she ever comes back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
In reply to: noregretsyet
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 2:03pm
Juliet...you kill me! ROFLMAO!

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