Separation, Divorce and AP

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Separation, Divorce and AP
7
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 6:57pm

For those of you who know my story, you know that I have wanted a divorce for some time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 6:10am
Bsbsker, perhaps it is your vulnerable state allowing you to open up to your AP. He is being kind, loving and caring, who wouldn't be drawn to that, especially during a stressful life change. As for keeping your feelings at bay, where do you see yourself 2 years from now? As an anchor point in a love triangle with a MM or as a divorced woman free to find someone who can truly and openly love her? Find the direction you want to go, point yourself in it. You are the captain of your vessel. Good luck, big hugs!
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 7:25am
Thanks sunny, where do I see myself in 2 years? I do not see myself involved with a MM nor do I see myself in any kind of relationship. I was married for so long, 19 years yesterday, that I desparately want to just be by myself. I will date but nothing serious. Someone on here, i cannot remember who, told me EAs were the hardest to get out of. I can see that now. I used to doubt if I was even in an EA. For me, i cant speak for him, but i am so attached and connect (i have let him in and let him get so close to me) that I cant let him go. I am feeling like, and this is the scary part, that i need him to get through this. The scarier part is that even though i didnt tell him that, he must sense that because he is right there all time and is showing no signs of going anywhere. he still sends me pics, told me i had not sent him any in a long time and a times we do talk about sex, we still cross that line. We were talking about Steve Harveys book which is about to be a movie. I wanted him to know at some poi t i will be dating. I said maybe i should get the book since i have been out of the game for so long, i will need a playbook. He said you will have no problems, you dont need a playbook. He then went on to praise my bootay. I know it was silly, but that made me feel GREAT! I am questioning to myself, why is he doing this, what is he getting out of it. Sorry this seems like a ramble.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 11:53am
Bsbsker, he is getting the same things you are. I was reading over on after your affair, Kim posted a link that talked about how our minds work, when we tell ourselves we shouldn't think about something. It seems like a totally off topic article but it is actually very interesting. There was also a second link that had more info. Check it out and tuck it away for future thought or need. Here is the link:


http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/why-mitt-romney-t-shut-money-165017157.html

Also, it is ok to lean on your AP right now, everyone needs someone. I remember the reading, a reason, a season or a lifetime, just know right now he is in your life for a reason.

I hope that link worked. I'll post and check it out. If not I will try and repost it again, strange things happen with smart phones.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 8:25pm

bsbsker, these are difficult times for you and you need support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 8:27pm

sunny, that link did not work atleast I could not find the article on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2011
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 9:43pm

I am sorry bsbsker, I did not mean to minimize your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2011
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 9:45pm

Sorry kittery, I did not "lose" my daughter.