Serial Cheater?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Serial Cheater?
17
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 11:31am

Hey all-Not sure if anyone is still here from when I used to come here for support and advice.  I am still in some contact with my xAP, in fact we have been flirting on and off and backing away from each other for quite some time now.  About a year or so...anyway.  Well I did go to a conference last April and ended up having a one night stand with someone down there who was in the same line of work that I was, actually a lot higher up in the State than I am.  That was it.  Fast forward to this past weekend when I went on a trip to Vegas.  I ended up meeting this great guy who took an interest and I in him.  We hung out for quite a while and I went back to his room.  We shared a lot of passionate touching and kissing.  No sex due to the high intoxication levels.  He asked for my number and I gave it to him thinking he would never use it.  I actually wrote it down and crumpled it up and threw it on the floor by him.  Never expected to hear from him.  He got in touch with me the next day and wanted to hang out ( he was sober).  He stated that he felt a great connection between us too and even hung out with my family and I.  Was very careful to not let anyone see our chemistry was more than friendly...he did rub my leg and touched me whenver he could.  We split for a bit and headed our separate ways but he told me to keep my phone on so that we could hang again later.  He came to see me and we danced and then I went to see him again at his room(with my cousin) this time.  He was disappointed that I came with her and kept trying to kiss me and have his body touch mine.  We laid in bed and hung out...she left...we got back into the passion and ended up having sex.  Both nights he wanted me to spend the night with him and sleep in bed with him.  Walked me back and bent down to kiss me everytime we parted...also held my hand and walked around like we were together.  I can't get him out of my head.  He lives in LA as an LAPD officer.  I live in the Midwest.  We are both married.  Was it just VEGAS and now leave it alone?! I have a hard time letting go of all of the excitement, butterflies, and passion...can't believe I have become a somewhat serial cheater!  UGH! Maybe it's because I've been with my H since 17...maybe it's because he cheated on me...idk. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 2:23pm

there's definitely an addictive side to cheating, no question about that.

You have a gap in your life, and right now, there is now way you can fill it permanently, ie change your marriage situation.

So, you are left with these intermittent, opportunistic "hits" that remind you are alive and can feel.

Your policeman may very well be in a similar situation. Does sound like more than just a "stays in Vegas" situation. Only way to find out is to keep communicating with him and think of the possibility of an LDA, with all the joys of an A added to the wonders of  LD.  Fun!

Then again, this may just be a Vegas fling for him, or at least may have started as one and turned into this.

So, wait to hear from him. If you do, then you know there is more to this.  If you don't, file it as a good time had by all. I wouldn't contact him if I were you, not sure why, just a feeling I have.

If he doesn't resurface again, you may either go on with these one hit wonders, or maybe think about someone else new as a full-time-ish AP?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 4:36pm

 Remember the rules.  No involvement.  Vegas stays in Vegas.  Enjoy the trip,emjoy the sex and walk away.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 5:32pm

We have kept in touch so far since we both left. My initiation. He said he misses me and wants me to be careful with my phone since he knows my H checks it. Said I had it covered and asked if it was unsafe on his end. He said na it's good.  And just a bit more chat. So just keep it light or leave him be and see if he will initiate next?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 11:59pm

Leave him be and see if he'll initiate next. At best, this'll be an LDA, but somehow, I get the feeling, from what you just wrote,  he's already over it. So should you be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Wed, 02-27-2013 - 8:16am

We did talk more...he said that he would have liked to spend the rest of the time we were in Vegas together.  Said that the next time I am in Vegas that he would come see me since it's an easy trip for him.  Also, that we may be able to see each other again since he travels a lot with the reserves.  I can't stop thinking about this man...so I just leave it now and see if he contacts me?! That is going to be HARD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 11:37am

So, he's not going to start an exclusive R w/ you but will keep you in mind for a good time when the chance represents itself. That should make it clear as to where and how you fit into his fun-time, nothing else.  You are good to bed, period.

If you are able to see him as just a boytoy as well, to be had when he's available, go for it!

I doubt, though, that you will be able to do that.

You are better off thinking about getting a full time AP of some sort, instead of getting more involved in this and feeling and wanting more where there's nothing to feel or want more from his end.

==

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 8:16pm

Is this LA guy initiating any contact with you? Is he making plans to coordinate anything with you? If not, he was most likely caught up in the moment of being in Vegas, sharing a great time with a nice looking lady. Consider it more as "FriendLY with Benefits". I am interested in hearing more> In my opinion a local AP is best. There is just too much work involved when it is a long distance affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 03-04-2013 - 2:55pm

He is not initiating contact...answers when I do...we have exchanged dirty pics and he likes that.  I asked him if he would come and see me somewhere that isn't driving distance for him and he said he would.  Asked him the other night why he doesn't text and he said that he is crazy busy..why do I get myself into these things?! It's hard to have a local AP since my town is SO small..others know what you are doing before you even know!  And the towns close...you always run into people you know...not that easy! I'm destined to be chasing those highs....ugh!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:17am

I see your rock and a hard place quandary. It makes sense.

At least he'll be there any time YOU want to be entertained.

The best you can do in this situation is to run the show yourself. Make the calls. Decide when and how much to have fun. Make him your boy toy as much as you are already his fun girl.

If you let your heart in it, you will not be happy :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 2:49pm

We texted a bit Sunday(my initiation) Then after a few hours he initiated some more.  We are three hours difference with time and that makes it hard to know good times to text.  He claims this is his first time astray in his marriage and that he had no regrets from the weekend at all.  Anyone remember the first time and how they felt toward the partner afterward?  Was it something that you wanted to continue or was the guilt too much?! I don't want to ask him all the serious questions because I think that will just turn him off...but then again...not sure if he's just being nice to some chick that he banged in Vegas either...

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