Serial Monogamy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Serial Monogamy
2
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:26pm
Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to a life of serial monogamy. I have had 3 3-year relationships. I broke off 2, married the third. My wedding day was the month of my 3 year anniversary with my H, and I knew at that point I just didn't feel the same about him anymore. But with food ordered, wedding shower, all that wedding industry BS shoved upon me, my head certainly wasn't clear. I still love my H, but we are SO different, it bugs me. Our vastly different world views didn't bother me until we were at that 3 year "expiration date".

It seems like with every man I'm with, I gain some insight and knowledge that I carry with me forever. I never regret my relationships, just move on.

Maybe having 3 year A's for the rest of my life is the solution...now, if I could just never get caught.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 12:28pm
Oh girl, I hear you! I had an A on my Ex H. It was intense and awesome. I didn't have feelings like I should have with my H when I married him. However, I felt pushed into doing it as well.

Needless to say, we're divorced now! ha! And I'm so glad. But now I'm in another relationship where the feelings for him are fading, and I think it shows.

My problem is, when I get involved with the OM, it consumes me, and the old relationship no longer matters. I want to give EVERYTHING to the new one!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 10:49pm
Sometimes I feel like I should be honest with myself and just not marry till much later in life...

I don't regret being married because I did learn a lot from the experience. I learned a lot about myself. One thing I've learned is that I gain new insight, a new world view, with each man I am with. I stay long enough to learn from them, until I seem to "tap them out" and I move on. I hunger for new experience and different perspectives.

I'm a naturally very curious person.

My hope is that as I grow older, it will take longer to "tap out" my partner, as I find more mature men who have a bigger world perspective and hopefully, wisdom.

I feel very selfish in this regard, but I also think it is basic human nature. I enjoy learning about our so-called "caveman" ancestors years ago or so. It is kind of a pet hobby of mine, and I read that they believe women tend towards serial monogamy because we want to keep a man around until they can get a child "off and running"--ages 3-5 years. By this age, kids could run around in peer groups, freeing up mom's time to find a new partner who will bear her next child. The mom would then fall for a new guy. The amphetimine-like substances that this new love brought (butterflies, stomach flipping), made mom less hungry. She was on the prowel, having hot sex with this new guy. He probably was willing to share some of his foods, but mom was able to pass up eating a lot of it because of her butterflies, and gave some food to her growing kid. And so the pattern continues throughout mom's life, as long as she could attract new mates.

This is very oversimplified and a lot of speculation, but it makes sense.

Our society does not want to tolerate that because it doesn't fit into they way things must get done to make it (economically). We have this huge chasm between how things "used to get done" and how things now get done. Affairs happen because we must hide our primal urges. We must "keep face". Many of us with opportunity to carry out our primal urges without a high likelyhood of getting caught continue to repeat the same old patterns. It's in our genes, baby.