In serious trouble!
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In serious trouble!
| Tue, 11-25-2003 - 3:00am |
This is my first time posting here although I've lurked often. I really need any and all advice/opinions on the following issue due to not being able to tell anyone about it. Sorry if its long. I met OM in April and we started hanging out. Our actual affair started about a month later. I have been not so happily married for about 5yrs. I left H twice in this 7 mo. period and each time OM and I were together w/o stating there was a relationship. My family knows we "dated" during these separations. About 5 weeks ago OM and I pretty well called it off after I had been separated for about 3 weeks.H and I decide to give it one last try. Now, Im pg. H and I could not have children and have even been to a fertility specialist who said even IVF was a very small chance. I only have one ovary left. H has low sperm count. I know it belongs to OM. H knows that to and we had agreed to not tell OM and raise it as our own. However, I buckled and called OM last night. He said he would do whatever I wanted him to do. During our conversation I realized how much I really love OM.I have been so sick and talking to him really lifted my spirits and released my stress. Hearing his laugh almost made my heart float. Both men would make great fathers, OM has 2 DD's and takes good care of them even though his X has full custody. He also has a great family I would be proud for my child to be a part of. But financially H is so much better off and has insurance and the child would want for nothing. This would be our only child. But H's family is awful, I consider them basically trash and I have nothing to do with them myself. I'm caught between OM and H. I dont know what to do. I dont know if it would be right to raise a child never telling them the truth. But how right would it be to let them know they came from an affair? Should I leave H and pursue a relationship with OM? Or should I stay where I know there is a stable home? Any advice is GREATLY appreciated, anything anyone wants to say or if you have ever been in the situation.

Flash forward 10 years, we got divorced and he remarried, his new wife felt this child had a right to know everything. I was against it totally.
The truth came out and our child was devastaed. The child paid a dear price for OUR lie.
We should have told our child he was adopted from the very begining but we stuck to that lie for 10 years. My child has serious problems now and is very angry and rebellious and hurting because he was LIED to.
Which ever direction you go, don't lie to this child, a lie always comes back on you ones like this always does.
You have to think of your baby and the life you want for it.
I have to agree with the previous poster. No matter who you decide to stay with, do not lie to your child. Children have enough obsticles to overcome don't add not being able to trust your parents to the list. The secrect will eventually come out. They always have a way of rearing their ugly heads. But a child knowing that they were loved and wanted, no matter how they were concieved...has a much better chance of stability.
Stability is easy to stay for...but in my experience now..I'd go for love. Ever heard "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy" it's so true. Your child will benefit more from you being happy...then having "everything the want" monitarily. It's tough..you're emotional...scared..hormones...Maybe you need to speak to a councelor. Unbiased...maybe even your Ob/gyn or they can recommend someone.
just don't lie to your child
Haunted
"Exactly what I was thinking Boy Wonder. Maybe I should share my experience with her."
"But Batman, won't that just confuse things more??"
"Perhaps, but it never hurts to try."
OK, so the humor's bad, but everyone needs to laugh when the chips are down. I feel like I must tell you this because it will force you into a situation that no one wants to be in. That is, stuck in an empty relationship with kids. Trust me, I know. When I got married, there were several indications that I shouldn't have done it. I ignored all the warning signs and went through with it anyway. Well about two years of a lousy married life went by. One day my wife said "I want to have kids." I thought, gee if she wants kids, maybe that will make everything fine. It didn't. Don't get me wrong, my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, but their mother isn't. As such, I'm stuck here for the interim, watching the days go by, trying to keep my sanity, contemplating an affair or whatever. Life was not meant to be this way, that's for sure. It sounds like you don't love your husband. Get out while you still can. If you don't, you will find yourself being Chief Engineer on the Titanic. That is, you're on a sinking ship but you have to stay to keep the lights going and the pumps running - to buy people (your kids) time to safely get off knowing that when they do, your life is effectively done. Any responsible person will tell you that having kids is the single largest impact on your life. Consider this and all the possiblities before going ahead, because when you do, there is no turning back. Whatever the decision, I hope it can bring you peace of mind we all deserve.
Edited 11/28/2003 8:10:55 PM ET by lostvoyage
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