Setting a Deadline? Other Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Setting a Deadline? Other Thoughts?
8
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 4:47pm

As many of you know, my AP is in the midst of leaving his M. He tells me often how much he loves me and wants a life with me. And he hasn't done anything at all to show me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:05pm

idk-


*I have to preface my post by explaining that i'm a BS not an OW (just so you know where my perspective comes from)*


I'm sorry i'm not too familiar with your situation but how old are his kids (roughly, of course)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:11pm

Peanut!!!

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:16pm

Edited because i'm an idiot and read this post wrong LOL! Thought you were emailing me.




Edited 8/29/2008 10:18 pm ET by iluvlittlepeanut


Edited 8/29/2008 10:20 pm ET by iluvlittlepeanut
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:25pm

LOL - love ya Peanut!!!

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:59pm
Thanks for your reply. To answer your questions: Kids are 10 and 8 and he's been married 15 plus years. He started off saying he was unhappy, but later confused to the affair and the fact that he was in love with me. He has not used the divorce word, just told her that he isn't interested in working on it and wants to move out of the house. I think he needs to do this so he can have some space and time to himself to think, but also for her. As you said, the longer he stays, the more hope it gives her and the worse the situation gets for everyone concerned. I've never asked him for an exact timeline or a quickie divorce -- I understand how hard this is and can empathize -- I really just want him to move out of the house! I guess when I talk to him next week, I will just be honest. I can just say that I need to see some progress and that I think another month is reasonable for this step and see how he reacts. I'm more than willing to compromise, but I can't go on just waiting and waiting and waiting. He does know how hard this has been for me -- he asks me a lot what he can do to help -- so I don't believe he will take anything I say as an ultimatum. Does this make sense?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 11:36pm

He has not used the divorce word, just told her that he isn't interested in working on it and wants to move out of the house.


This part confuses me some.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 2:44pm

First off, JMHO.


In the entire 2 years I was with my XAP he was always in the "midst" of getting a D. He would tell me how he and his W talked about it. Well..it has been almost three years now and he is STILL in the midst of getting a D.


Honestly..once you break the news..you have usually made a plan and gotten out. The day I left my H I grabbed some clothes and crashed on someone else's couch. I never moved back in. It would have been too strange and uncomfortable and confusing.


It is up to you how long you wait. I appreciate the fact that he is being careful because of his children. I think you have the right to ask what his timeline is. If he doesn't like being asked..then he has something to hide.


Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 3:02pm

I suspect he's confused, but he insists otherwise.