sex drive incompatibility
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sex drive incompatibility
| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:31pm |
Anybody here in a situation where the other person has much less interest in sex than they do? My A is so easy and happy that I really ought not to complain but it confuses me that I can't get OMM to agree to more "body time". I have no issue with the amount of time spend together as a whole, but just how we spend it. He doesn't like to have sex in the car or other places like that, so usually, unless I really push, I have to wait for our hotel dates which only happen about once a month.
When the time comes, he's REALLY into it. He says he loves having sex with me. But he says he has to be careful how often we make love because he doesn't want his wife to notice a reduction in interest at home. Is this really a concern for men? Is it maybe his age (he's 47)?
I know he has no problems getting there, if you know what I mean, because on our no-sex dates he's always instantly hard if we kiss. I've told him I want more sex please, but he just laughs and tells me, soon, baby.
Men? what does this mean? Should I push him? Should I not? help!

I'm not sure, you could take this a few different ways.
One, if might just be that he doesn't want to have sex in the car. He's 47, there's a distinct possibility that he has had all of the car sex he's going to have. At his age, he has a little more self control than 19 year olds, and he might not want to go at it on the leather (I know I don't.)
But being careful how much he has so he doesn't spend it all before he gets home... I don't know, I'm 15 years younger than him, so I might be a bad judge. For me, I was already not having sex at home so she didn't notice. It's possible his unspoken addendum is that if he gets used to enjoying sex with you and then has to go home to have sex with his W, he might just not want to. I'll be honest -- after I started having the A with someone who my sexually ideal partner, I had no interest in having "adequate" sex with my W, even on the rare full moon that she did.
If he really has a different sex drive and you determine that to be so... hmm... I guess good luck. Personally that's been a significant R killer for me, but that's because mine is kind of stuck at full throttle.
rain
I know I am not a guy but you didn't say if he is having this A because his W doesn't have the same libido he has. My MM SAYS she doesn't and he thinks about it all the time, yet we only see each other alone once or twice a month and it is usually spontaneous. He is stuck in full throttle like Rain is. Rain, so what has your frequency been in your A?
My mm is a little different then most men on this board i think because he works 12-15 hrs a day and says he thinks about me around 12am or 1am...nice?
Anyway what I wanted to say is maybe they have a thriving sex life and at 47 (believe me my H is 45) a lot men's drives slow down and if she is being active at home he just might be worried that if he slowed down even more she might be suspicous.
JMHO
deedee
Certainly don't push him. If anything you can ask for more "quality" time if your schedules permit.
OMM does have plenty of sex with his wife (plenty in his book amounts to 1-3X per week). My H and I have more sex than that. Neither of us got into this due to lack of sex. My problem though is that I while I enjoy sex with H, I really WANT sex with OMM!!! I am definitely in the "stuck on full throttle" position, which is hard to cope with!!!
A corollary to this problem is also that OMM has much more conservative sex with me that he does with his W. In his marriage they do all kinds of things that sound like alot of fun...but with me, he prefers to stick with a more conservative menu. Isn't the A supposed to be where the wild stuff is?
He is so much fun that I feel stupid complaining....I wonder if he thinks I'm too sexually aggressive? there I go again, being a woman and wondering...time to stop overthinking this...:)
Funny you should ask about sex in the A...
Well, I guess I'll be candid. I have told this here before anyway. I met my OW online at a message board like this one where she'd posted a "curious to learn more" type of question in a BDSM forum (another community I spent too much time contributing too.) I replied politely, a friendship struck up, and we eventually learned enough of the right chat/cyber to see her through (I type fast, write fairly decent, creative smut, and don't have an interest in the receiving end of cyber; see? we're perfect. LOL.)
After about three months we met in person for a weekend of pretty intense contact. Back to cyber for two months, saw her another weekend, then nothing but bits and bytes for four months. Once she got here... um... it was pretty darned good. And pretty darned often. Even before I moved out, a couple of times a week wasn't unusual.
And now that I'm out and sleeping next to her every night... the first month has been pretty close to every night, maybe 5x a week. We are both intensely sexual creatures who've always felt undersexed even in good Rs... so this has been really great for both of us.
The last week I've been working my head off so it's slacked a little, but there's always this amazing tension between us... like if we both had an hour's sleep and woke up at the same time...
And BFG.... if your MM is giving the good, kinky stuff at home and you're getting the vanilla ice cream... go get some sprinkles. *Demand* your sprinkles. Do not be short changed. Be blunt and direct; as men we are stupid. We do not take hints. Just know that if you get to liking Red Hot Monkey Love... regular stuff just don't do it if you have to go back.
rain
Thanks, I was wondering because my mm SAYS he thinks about it all the time. But since we only get together 1-2 times a month none of it jives. I mean he also says his wife isn't interested. Now I DO know that he works hard long hours in a very important position in our co. so I don't think 100% he could be lying about it. It just always bothers me that we don't get together more during the month if he is like me in the sex drive department. He does say when he finally does stop working it could be 12 or 1 in the morning and that is when he wants to call me! He even said to me when we reconcilled that if we have sex three times in one week (yeah right) and then don't have sex for three weeks he doesn't want me complaining. So I don't even think I should cry about it.
Anyway just was wondering if a guy with a big sex drive found the time.
deedee