Sex with H -- how do you do it??
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| Fri, 08-08-2003 - 9:53pm |
He has been traveling out of state for business and he had one night home between trips...He was pestering me, grabbing at me, ya kow all those things that would turn a girl on.. (yeah right) and finally I gave in. Not to make it too graphic, but it was not pleasurable for me since I not aroused at all... in fact.. I started crying ( H didnt see) and just wanting to scream.
My emotions are so screwed up right now. H is a good enough person and claims to be head over heels in love with me... but...I am not with him, and so sex is really difficult right now. All I do is long for the OM.
In 2 weeks I will see the OM again.. I wish it was tomorrow. I don't know what will come of my meeting with the OM but I know I want to discuss the "future" such as it is.
I am trying to do the right things to set myself some goals... finishing school, getting out of debt etc. so I can cleanly leave my M if that is what will happen in a year or so...but I feel so awful about the sex issue... I don't know how to handle it

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Do you ever think about leaving your M now? Living with past decisions is really difficult sometimes, but at least we're not alone in our sadness.
I am having problems in that department as well and it's just really bothering me. I don't feel like having sex with my H, so I do put if off as long as possible, generally we go 10-14 days between. I put it off by first of all, trying really really hard to not ever let him see me before or after the shower or as I'm dressing. I don't hold his hand, touch him, kiss him, whatever, so that it couldn't be construed as a come on. I just found out from something he said yesterday that even in my sleep I pull away from him.
My H is a good man and I do care about him and what happens to him. I just don't love him and I am not attracted to him....haven't been attracted in a very long time. I'm not a shallow person, generally speaking, but there comes a point at which it has to be acknowledged that he has really let himself go to pot and it's not appealing to me. I don't expect him to be a buff surfer dude, but I would like him to take some care with his body and appearance.
I am preparing to leave him. In my state, if he were to find out about the A *and* I were to have been refusing him, sexually, during the time of the A, he could sue both me and OM for loss of consortium. So, unless I want to deal with that, I do "have" to have sex with H. It's very difficult. I don't like doing it, because it's a sham and a lie and I already have to lie so much to keep my A going that I don't like having to do anymore of it.
Good luck; guess we all have our little parts to play.
Lucky
It's so good to have others here who are going through the same thing.
Yes we are in the same situation.
Like you, I am just not attracted to my H at all anymore. The sad thing is that he *is* attractive but when he starts grabbing at me like a adolescent boy, and dry humping my leg...come on!!!! I cannot imagine any woman EMA or not would find that attactive.
In a strange way, I am comfortable with the H, though. It is like being roomates with your best friend. I generally can talk to him about MOST things ( NOT our relationship though) and I know he sees the best in me most times. But I guess I know there is MORE to having a "life partner" than just being friends and being married.
It is to the point that when we go to bed.. if he even breathes on me ... It makes me want to cringe. Sad isn't it???
I try to reduce the amount to time my H actually sees me undressed or in any stage of nudity, but because of my current employment situation, that becomes difficult. So, I try to be understanding and "give it up" once a week if I have to but I try to do it no more than once or twice a month. I just sound soooo awful..
Chloe
Yes you are right I don't HAVE to have sex with him.. BUT when I do choose not to... his demeanor gets so ugly ... and right this minute I am not ready to end it - or at least leave. I am trying to finish some course work and get myself in a better position to leave..so when I do - I will not leave my H with all the trash, and that I will better be able to start a new life for myself.
Thanks for your post.. it does give me food for thought :)
Chloe
Chloe
Sounds like me. My husband snores. Right now he's on the couch snoring!!!! I don't want to have sex with him. I want to have sex with the guy at work and tell him to forget his recent conquest. I don't want anything permanent, because I don't think he would be faithful, especially if he was with me.
DAF
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