Sex with H -- how do you do it??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sex with H -- how do you do it??
23
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 9:53pm
I have been trying every excuse possible NOT to have Sex with my H. In all honesty I am not at all turned on by him... we barely kiss anymore( my choice) and if we do - it is one of those antiseptic closed mouth kind of kiss. I have used every excuse in the book to avoid the sex... which is difficult since he is WAAAY over sexed IMHO.

He has been traveling out of state for business and he had one night home between trips...He was pestering me, grabbing at me, ya kow all those things that would turn a girl on.. (yeah right) and finally I gave in. Not to make it too graphic, but it was not pleasurable for me since I not aroused at all... in fact.. I started crying ( H didnt see) and just wanting to scream.

My emotions are so screwed up right now. H is a good enough person and claims to be head over heels in love with me... but...I am not with him, and so sex is really difficult right now. All I do is long for the OM.

In 2 weeks I will see the OM again.. I wish it was tomorrow. I don't know what will come of my meeting with the OM but I know I want to discuss the "future" such as it is.

I am trying to do the right things to set myself some goals... finishing school, getting out of debt etc. so I can cleanly leave my M if that is what will happen in a year or so...but I feel so awful about the sex issue... I don't know how to handle it

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 2:32am
It is So Difficult...I agree...but like many of you, I feel sex is necessary with dh to keep peace in the house, to say the least...I've found a small cocktail and working with the peaks of my cycle helps quite a bit...my A has been 3 yrs now, I have lightened up on the contact with MM a bit, this helps as well...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 2:45am
I feel the odd man out at the moment... while DH and I certainly have some problems and we are slowly addressing them and I'm not looking for an out on my marriage... I still do enjoy sex with him.

I do have to say... that sometimes... I just don't want to and will find any excuse... being tired or sick to avoid it as I find that to really enjoy him... I have to get my mind set around it. If my mind is on MM for any particular reason... then I just cant. I mean... MM is definitely the better lover and given a chance to choose which one it would be... well he wins hands down. But obviously... to have him as many times as I want him... is just impossible. So... I try to enjoy what DH and I still do have.

I tend to fantasise a lot when I'm with DH... maybe I shouldn't... but it does make it more enjoyable... and I will admit that my body does not react quite the same as with MM but I'm not embarressed to ask for lubricant when need be... because even when in the mood... the body does not always do as we want it.

I can't offer any advice on what you can do... it's not an easy place to be in.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 11:41am
Isn't that sad...that we have to have a cocktail and/or fantasize? I do the same things to try and keep peace, but I don't do it very often! In fact, hardly ever. lol I really wish that I felt differently, but I don't...

H and I got into an argument about this the other night -- I wanted to go out with my girlfriends (ie; was trying to see MM, but it didn't work out anyway), and of course I had to "ask" if I could go. H said to me "Well, are you going to pleasure me first?". I wanted to scream. I just told him it was horrible of him to say that to me. Then that started a big discussion about how he doesn't feel like I'm attracted to him anymore (what do you say to that??) and that he wishes I would just admit that I don't love him anymore. Well, I had already gotten myself all ready, anticipating spending time with MM, and when it didn't work out I made up an excuse that girlfriend had to cancel. I figured I could have a couple of drinks with H and maybe actually *could* go through with having sex with him. So I get ready for bed, put something on other than the normal tank top and boxers I wear most of the time (LOL) and waited upstairs for him. All the while I'm preparing myself mentally (aka "fantasizing"), thinking the more "ready" I am the easier it will be...well, H decided to hang out with the neighbor and have a couple more beers with him, and by the time he came to bed, I was already asleep. I wanted to say "Hey, I tried -- you missed out!".

Now I've got Aunt Flo, and it's pretty bad this month, so it will be at least a week before I could even attempt it again...*sigh* And, like Sweet said, if I'm thinking about MM at all, I just can't do it. The difference between the two of them is just so great that it feels "wrong".

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