sex question, need advice!!!!
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| Thu, 05-27-2004 - 1:15am |
Well, right now i am on cloud nine, MM and I saw each other today and it was fantastic. We talked about alot of things and the A. Even though some of my questions got answered about our NC, i was still left with confusion. MM said he just needed to be away from everybody and that's why he didnt contact me. I told him that i was really upset and hurt that he could just alienate himself from me like that and not let me know anything but he said he was sorry and that so much has been going on that basically he just wanted to hide away from the world. Ok, well i appreciate all of the responses i got from "being shy during sex with MM" post, I like to explore new things with MM but i also have this image of myself and feel like there's some things that i maybe shouldnt do, it's kinda hard to explain and right now i cant put it into exact words, but if any ladies on this board are mothers than maybe they can understand what i want to say but it wont come out. I guess i am just old-fashion. Anyways, we meet up and it was awesome, i actually have tried anal but it hurt so bad that i stopped trying. Well today i experienced my first taste of anal with MM and it was good. I hated at first how it started but over the time it got a little bit better and soon i was going out of control being very passionate with MM and letting him explore my body. It felt so right and it is nice to know that whatever happens, i will always have that memory that MM was my first in that area. So here's my question, how many of yall have had anal sex with MM/OW? and did/didnt use a condom? We didnt and i just think even though it was kinky and we both enjoyed it, i was also thinking this is Gross!!!! I want to keep doing it with MM b/c we both like it but where do u draw the line with anal sex. Do any of yall have any do's or dont's about it? I am sorry that this may be offensive to some of yall but i feel we are all grown adults and can talk about this since we are all probably doing it. I loved how i knew he was being pleased by me and how much fun it was So any suggestions or advice is welcome. Now here's my other dilemma, MM has never told me out of his mouth he loves me except thru IM and everytime i tell him i love him, his response is "I know" or something close to that. I am not telling MM i love him just to hear it back but i just feel in my heart that after being with MM for as long as we have that maybe he should know if he loves me. He talks about us in the future sense, but he also said he doesnt wont to complicate things, I dont know what's going on with him, i think maybe My MM is commitment phobic, i mean i know he's married but i dont think he has ever felt the feelings he is having for me. He told me today that the only reason he got married was b/c of his child, he said he wanted to do the right thing which i can kinda understand that. He said at the time though he was really young and he didnt really think things thru about getting married and now he regrets ever marrying her. MM made the comment that i am trying to find commitment or some kind of promise and i really didnt know what he meant by that. I am married so that is a commitment but i do want a promise from MM and i dont think he can give me that right now. Just by talking with MM today i can tell that saying i love you is not easy for him, he does feel if he opens up and tells me he loves me than he is making a promise to me and i think maybe he doesnt wont to chance it and then end up breaking that promise to me. I know he cares alot about me and i even bluntly asked him was this just an affair and he said "he hopes not". MM doesnt even see that it is an affair and i am the mistress. I guess he looks at me as his g/f even though we are both married, i know it is crazy to think that way but i feel that is the way he sees us. I love MM with all of my heart and we both see ourselves with each other in the future. Like i said before he has only told me he loved me one time and it was over instant message and that's it. I think he is really scared of his own feelings and he's playing this i am not an emotional person type of game with me to make me stay but i am started to get to a point where if he doesnt come clean and tells me how he truly feels about me than i might just walk away from MM and the A b/c i want to know i am taking all of these big risks for a reason and that something eventually good will come out of our A. I need yall's advice desperately on both of these topics b/c i am really confused but at the same time i couldnt be more happier. I dont wont to keep pushing the love topic on him b/c he might just decide to push himself away from me forever and i dont wont that so please help me, i am sorry this is so long but i needed to get it off of my chest. hope to hear from ya guys and dolls!!!! Later

Hi georgiapeach,
I'll have a go at answering your questions....
firstly in regards to anal sex... anal sex seems to have a bit of a stigma to it... in that it's 'disgusting' something that good girls shouldn't do... however... I don't believe this is the case... and if done correctly by two consenting adults... it's a wonderful new pleasure to be enjoyed by both parties.
I myself would not do anal sex with just anyone... I have to trust that person completely to allow them to take my body in such a way... DH and MM being the only two men who have... however... MM... I must say... has been the luckier.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I think you answered your own question. Wow sounds like your A is intense. I never ask my MM how he feels about us or anything. He always tells me that I'm the only one he wants to ****!!! and that he thinks of me everyday. That right there is good enough for me. I don't want to push him anyway. Maybe I'm afraid of his answer or I just don't want to complicate things more then they are.
Now onto the anal sex part. you didn't gross me out with your question. In fact, MM and I want to try it too. We always talk about it. Just remember your guy has to go REAL slow at first and you tell him how it feels. When he's going slow remember to inhale while he's sliding in and exhale when he's sliding it out. The first time MM fingered me there, he kept asking does it feel alright, does it hurt? He was real slow and considerate. We almost tried anal, but I was sitting on his lap my back facing him and it hurt when it got an inch in. and couldn't finish. Then we just finished with reg. sex.. BUT stupid me.. went from anal (only an inch) to vaginal!!!! I will never do that again.. Nothing happened, but you can get an infection from that. The next time we try anal, I will make sure MM has a condom.. I will bring one myself!! I really want to try it now.. you got me in the mood..LOL.. Maybe I will surprise my MM tonight.. I'm going to see him!!! Can't wait..
Hope those suggestions helped.. good luck and tell us how it goes..
Chris.. (always up for sex talk)..LOL
You could have written my post a few months ago. :) A lot of people have a hard time expressing themselves. Especially in an A. There is that "moral" issue hitting them in the head telling them that they shouldn't be having these feelings since they're already married. "How can I love two people?" Well, after you sleep with someone for a while, it happens." No matter how much you try not to let the emotions start they sometimes, somehow jump into the picture. Therefore, that may be why he's alienating himself a bit??
I'm also a mother... but that doesn't mean that I'm not fun in bed. Just my DH had made me "stale". My MM has brought out the tiger in me. He also wants to try anal, but I'm only 105 lbs and he's gifted. I'm a virgin in that area, so I just bought a super concentrated bodyglide called "pjur eros" from Germany. If somthing goes astray I guess I'll say I have hemorrhoids to my DH. Is that too much information? Didn't think of the condoms!! ?? (how much do you prepare for it before you do anal? or is it just spontaneous? i would poop, if i pooped!)
I think my MM thinks of me as his girlfriend as well, and not a mistress. I'm best friends with his brother, and when he will talk about my MM and me he'll refer to us in context like, "well he's your boyfriend", or "you're his girlfriend"...So I can't help you there. (but he'll also talk about my MM and his W which kills me!!!!)
jen
As for the love/commitment issue. I think you have a decision to make. There's a question that all of us have to answer throughout the A and that is: if what I have now is *all* it's ever going to be...is it enough?? You HAVE to work on the assumption that this is it - you're not getting anymore. And maybe that was okay for you a few weeks/months ago, but is it still okay? That's the one thing that is different about A's and other relationships is that you can't assume a future or a deepening of commitment. If you do, you're going to get hurt. So you have to decide if you can live with that. try backing off for a while and living with that paradigm and see if it's enough.
Lucky