Sex Without Love Forever?
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Sex Without Love Forever?
| Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:16pm |
I'm wondering if it's possible for a man to be with a woman over a long period of time and still have no feelings for her other than physical attraction. I know men don't equate sex with love like most women (sorry about the seemingly stereotype, but I think most would agree), but do you think one can have intimate relations with another and not eventually fall?
Just curious as to your thoughts on this.
My MM won't share his feelings. I don't know if it's out of fear, or he doesn't feel anything at all, or for the mere fact that doing so just makes it worse in the long run. My intuition tells me he has feelings for me by the way he looks at me, holds me, and can't stand to be away from me, but today I'm questionning where we stand on an emotional level.

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Hi bhappy,
I think it depends on the man... some men can just be in it for the sex... but you can usually tell whether it's just sex from what else they give to you.
MM and I have been involved for going on 4 years now... for me... it was just a natural progression to love him... however I never feel that I'm in
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I think they just can't verbalize how they feel. Maybe its not exactly "love" but there has to be some feelings of affection there. In my case, its kind of a hassle for him to get over to see me, but still he does it. If it was only for the sex, I think he could easily find someone closer to him that would be more convenient.
But on the other hand, I don't think you can expect statements of undying love. One of our only arguments we had near the beginning of this, he said to me "what do you expect, me to say I LOVE you while we are having sex?" I said no, I do not expect him to lie to me. But since then, he has said he is fond of me, that's good enough for me.
After all I don't expect him to leave W, and I don't expect to leave H. We just give each other something we need, and that is physical attention and affection during that time. And I think over the amount of time, wouldn't it be pretty cold of someone to not develop even the slightest feelings for you? I think in that case, you wouldn't have lasted so long.
It also seems to me that a high number of MM involved in A's tend to be this way also. I don't know if it is just because so many men are or if these type of men are more likely to have A's. I would say that all of these men likely do have feelings for each of you, but they are unable and unwilling to admit it even to themselves. I know in my case, I told my OW I loved her before I ever was intimate with her and I said it before she did. I'm very comfortable with my feelings. I guess the only advice I would offer any women who would ask is to avoid jumping into a relationship with guys like this unless you're comfortable living your life with someone who won't show how he feels. Having an A with them is one thing, but don't leave your current relationship and expect this man to suddenly open up to you. People don't usually change this, no matter how hard you try to get them to open up. I learned this the hard way with my W who doesn't seem to want or need to express how she feels. That is the primary reason my M is ending.
I guess I'm hoping that by raising my two sons as good, healthy, feeling human beings I can contribute to the solution. But I see so many boys who are being raised just as their fathers were. So if you have a son or two or three, please take the time to make sure they learn how to recognize and express how they feel. Don't worry about whether this will make it harder for them to fit in. They will be better for it in the long run. And maybe we can reduce a lot of other problems like bullying and violence towards women. I know, I'm way too optimistic. But a guy can dream can't he?
Good luck in all your relationships ladies. These MM are giving you something you need right now I'm sure. Just know that you all deserve more than this. I hope you can all find it.
hey omaha - AMEN!!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I have a 10 yr old son who I am trying to raise with little input form his father...
That might change now that MinneSNOWta is talking about linking time spent with a child with child support...seems since the first article in our local paper he's initiated spending time with our son now...after a year when he spent a total of 6 days with him...
I hate that it's all about money with him.
I'm trying to raise my child as a compassionate caring young man, and if I don't kill him during this pre-pubescent stage, he should be able to voice his feelings when he's older...
My "MM" is very emotional and loving, and shows it...AND says it...and except for the fact that he's married to another, is a great role model for my son...
Thanks for giving us all your input, it's really appreciated...
~Laurie~
(((HUGS)))
Thanks for the incredible insight.
Edited 3/4/2004 11:35:52 AM ET by julietsfate
Hope this helps. I understand there are seven types of love in Italian and only one "love" in English. Love in EMAs is another type of love, perhaps best described in another language altogether.
Luvin
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