Sex Without Love Forever?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Sex Without Love Forever?
28
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:16pm
I'm wondering if it's possible for a man to be with a woman over a long period of time and still have no feelings for her other than physical attraction. I know men don't equate sex with love like most women (sorry about the seemingly stereotype, but I think most would agree), but do you think one can have intimate relations with another and not eventually fall?

Just curious as to your thoughts on this.

My MM won't share his feelings. I don't know if it's out of fear, or he doesn't feel anything at all, or for the mere fact that doing so just makes it worse in the long run. My intuition tells me he has feelings for me by the way he looks at me, holds me, and can't stand to be away from me, but today I'm questionning where we stand on an emotional level.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:35am
My MM says I love you at the drop of a hat... it's the Southern Boy in him. But I know in my heart that he doesn't mean it the same way as when I say it. But that's okay -- I knew at the onset that I loved him more (and differently) than he loves me. There are so many shades of love, who can measure what each one really reveals? As long as I'm getting what I need -- respect, companionship, emotional connection, support, passion... I'm okay with however he 'loves' me. Oh -- and I'm thinking Sex Without Love is better than the alternative.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:38am
Nicely said Sister!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:16pm
yes sista, that was nicely put.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:53pm
If by the alternative you mean no sex and no love, you're right, that would be worse. But if you meant love with no sex would be worse, I couldn't disagree more. I'm a human being and I have a very high sex drive, but if I were given a choice between a lifetime of love without sex or a lifetime of sex without love, I'd choose the former with no hesitation. Luckily, it is possible to have both. Again, I think one or the other is fine in the short term, but if you seek a long term relationship, please take the time to find the proper emotional connection. To settle for less is a recipe for future disaster.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:57pm
I would have to disagree with you about being able to live with love but no sex. Love without sex is love like with your siblings, children, friends, or parents. But for a life- partner, there should be sex along with love. Its an important part of the relationship. Not that you just live contently like brother and sister. Well, not at least until you're 80 maybe, and honey, even then I plan on being a hot old lady!!

And obviously that's true about alot of people, look at all these A's. The "love" is just not enough for alot of people, doesn't that include you too?
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:04pm
Oh I agree completely. Love is not enough. But sex is far from being the most important thing either. Love is crucial, communication is crucial, affection is crucial, shared beliefs and concerns are crucial and yes, sex is crucial too. I wasn't trying to say I could live my life without sex, I'm too much of a realist to ever think that. However, I do think love is infinitely more important than sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:10pm
I couldn't agree more. I'd choose a lifetime of love without sex over a lifetime of sex without love in a heartbeat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:16pm
Oh, I feel better now! I did think the alternative would be more preferable than sex without love too. Even though I harp about sex a lot here, I rather be in love than have mindless sex, although there is nothing wrong with it, its just not my first choice. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:23pm
i'd never choose love over sex, or sex over love.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:24pm
I hear ya!